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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board / Short Horror / Matters of the Flesh
Posted by: Don, March 20th, 2021, 8:54am
Matters of the Flesh by Ben Tucker - Short, Horror - A popular high school teacher goes missing, sending a small town reeling in disbelief. 4 pages - pdf format
Writer interested in feedback on this work
Posted by: eldave1, March 21st, 2021, 10:53am; Reply: 1
Ben:
Write a logline. It will help you attract readers.
All of your scene headings are incorrect and in some cases - like the opening scene, missing entirely. Should be something like:
INT. HOSPITAL - ADMISSIONS AREA - NIGHT
Learn scene headers = Just Google how to write scene headings and you will find a ton of info.
Watch your terminology versus the tone of your script. You're writing a thriller/horror and you're using terms like balls deep, frank and beans - they dont' match as they have more of a comedic vibe.
There are a lof of other writing issues - fix the scene headings and repost - after you do that I'll add m ore suggestions
Posted by: Yuvraj, March 22nd, 2021, 12:03am; Reply: 2
Hi Ben,
Nothing more to add what's been said by Dave. It's not properly formatted. Read other scripts and get familiar with the format.
Good luck.
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