Feedback Addiction by Robert Timsah - Short, Comedy - A woman suffering from a debilitating feedback addition struggles to escape from the disease as her life slowly unravels. She hated this log line, the title and script. 5 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Reminds me of a segment you'd find on MTV or Saturday Night Live or something, so yeah you have a good sense of humour. I like the 'matted together with what we can only hope is chocolate' line. To me comedy is at it's best when it only slightly hint at things if that makes sense?

Maybe instead of...

                       She moves on and digs around, then climbs into-

                       -and is now entirely inside the dumpster.

You could just put...

                        She moves on, digs around...

                        ...then climbs inside.

Makes for a clearer read.
Well done.

Quoted from AlexanderLR Reminds me of a segment you'd find on MTV or Saturday Night Live or something, so yeah you have a good sense of humour. I like the 'matted together with what we can only hope is chocolate' line. To me comedy is at it's best when it only slightly hint at things if that makes sense? Maybe instead of...                        She moves on and digs around, then climbs into-                        -and is now entirely inside the dumpster. You could just put...                         She moves on, digs around...                         ...then climbs inside. Makes for a clearer read. Well done.

Hey, Alexander thanks. I ran your proposed changes by Marilyn and she said no, not good enough.  LOL - in all seriousness, you're right. I got a little to cute trying to get that dumpster scene right. Never used a narrator before and honestly, just having fun with this one.

I did a bit of a re-write and added a new character.  ;D

Happy to help.

Up to date log line:

A woman suffering from an obsession with providing feedback, can't get over an unresolved scene in the hit film, Cast Away, as she falls further and further into her feedback addiction. She hated this log line, the title and script.

Hey man, that was pretty fun with the whole narrator thing. Her diving through the dumpster to find children's writing to critique is the perfect kind of absurd. The covid mask bit felt a little out of place though. It was all silly fun, then veered political. But perhaps I too suffer from feedback disorder.

Quoted from MarkItZero Hey man, that was pretty fun with the whole narrator thing. Her diving through the dumpster to find children's writing to critique is the perfect kind of absurd. The covid mask bit felt a little out of place though. It was all silly fun, then veered political. But perhaps I too suffer from feedback disorder.

MARILYN
You just had to go political, didn't yah!?

That's what made this so fun to write; ANY feedback I get can be added to her rant at the end. But honestly, I agree with you. The masks are staying but the CNN/Trumpers part will be axed. Thanks for giving it a read, and your thoughts.

Ha! Clever stuff. I was about to grill you on the whole "frowning with a mask on" bit, but you beat me to the punch. lol

Really good stuff. Marilyn is a hoot! I look forward to reading more from you. :)

Quoted from Zack Ha! Clever stuff. I was about to grill you on the whole "frowning with a mask on" bit, but you beat me to the punch. lol Really good stuff. Marilyn is a hoot! I look forward to reading more from you. :)

Thanks, Zack. I just love Marilyn.  Even when she's grilling me.

This was a real hoot, Robert!
Thanks for suggesting I might enjoy it. I did, very much.

The story relates the kind of finer details I can get obsessed about too with plot points that never get resolved  ;D

I can only wonder what Marilyn would make of this (below). Maybe don't show her as it could cause her to lose even more sleep.

https://medium.com/applaudience/the-secret-affair-of-cast-away-7b7f9999a303

It appears Kelly has questionable morals if that hypothesis is to be believed, which would tally with her keeping the ring and it never being mentioned again. Chuck's too much of a gentleman. Everyone knows if the marriage doesn't go ahead you give the damn ring back!

Marilyn, teeth showing, furiously glares at the paused scene.
Is this like a teeth bared in disgust thing, or just to show her sans mask for a change?

Speaking of : Marylin should have something to say about cheating mask wearers - those who wear them below the nose, trying to have it both ways.

Anyway, I love a good script with a Narrator - both conscience and commentator.
I suspect Marilyn might very well have a dig at him being an Unreliable Narrator though.

Great job!
I hope you do a Part 2.

In part 2, she will have moved on.... To a new unresolved scene in a different film.

LOL, thanks for giving it a look LC. Glad you enjoyed it.

An enjoyable read, Robert - thanks. MAde my morning coffee better.

Quoted from eldave1 An enjoyable read, Robert - thanks. MAde my morning coffee better.

Thanks Dave