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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  The May 2021 Challenge  /  Who Killed The Cat - May
Posted by: Don, May 11th, 2021, 6:09pm
Who Killed The Cat by I Don't Know - When the cat dies, somebody has to pay.  Short, Horror
Posted by: Warren, May 11th, 2021, 6:33pm; Reply: 1
Hi writer,

First cab off the rank...

Very decent entry here, I can see something like this being picked up super quick.

Good writing on display as well.

Nice one.

All the best.
Posted by: spesh2k, May 11th, 2021, 6:50pm; Reply: 2
This was a nice entry with a nice, demented twist I usually gravitate towards. The writing was solid, though the cat thing was a little confusing -- did they each have a cat? Or did they each consider the cat THEIR'S?

Any way, a nice, demented, no-budget piece. Good work!

-- Michael
Posted by: irish eyes, May 11th, 2021, 7:54pm; Reply: 3
Pretty nice entry

Dark and twisted and could easily be filmed

Well done
Posted by: mmmarnie, May 11th, 2021, 9:27pm; Reply: 4
Nice job here. I like the story and the writing is good. Great twist. Nice work, writer!!
Posted by: Zack, May 11th, 2021, 9:35pm; Reply: 5
This is a dark tale with a comedic bite. My kinda stuff. :)

Not much else to say other than I really liked iit! Great job. ;D
Posted by: Pleb, May 12th, 2021, 3:11am; Reply: 6
I enjoyed this. Darkly humorous if not a little far-fetched, but it's well written and not as samey as a number of the other entries.

Good job
Posted by: Matthew Taylor, May 12th, 2021, 5:28am; Reply: 7
Wasn't really a fan of this one.

Well written and different for sure.

Best of luck
Posted by: MarkRenshaw, May 12th, 2021, 9:02am; Reply: 8
Simple and effective, good job. I would question why they would kill each other if they wasn't 100% sure the other had killed the cat, but they all seem like psychos so it's fine.
Posted by: Yuvraj, May 12th, 2021, 10:50am; Reply: 9
This was dark but ok. Well written though.
Posted by: bert, May 12th, 2021, 11:03am; Reply: 10
Ha!  Swing and a miss here, but points for a bonkers approach.

Something else is needed to have this hit on all cylinders, but not sure what it is.

Maybe introduce the boy earlier?
Posted by: eldave1, May 12th, 2021, 12:14pm; Reply: 11
Good story - well told.

A bit hard to wrap my mind around a couple killing each other over a cat - but okay.

A lot wedged in two pages - good job.
Posted by: Spqr, May 12th, 2021, 12:14pm; Reply: 12
Entertaining story, and kind of funny. Was it the Boy's DNA, or the poor parenting skills of Muriel and Bert that turned him into a little monster? At least Muriel and Bert thought they had a good reason for killing the other, but Boy is just a psychopath!
Posted by: JEStaats, May 12th, 2021, 1:11pm; Reply: 13
Great story but this kinda blew it for me:

BERT
He’s growing up fast.
Bert drops dead.

MURIEL
Such a good boy.

I think I would've enjoyed it more if maybe they both said the Boy's name in unison and died. Regardless, the whole story is so farfetched that it doesn't matter if they realize they are a family of psychos. Good work.
Posted by: Cacutshaw, May 12th, 2021, 1:18pm; Reply: 14
I liked that it was a family of psychos killing each other because of a cat, only to be proud of their cat killing son.

It might be just me though, but I wish it was something other than the cliche of a couple finding out they poisoned each other as the murder. Maybe something a bit more psychotic for these obviously demented human beings.
Posted by: Geezis, May 12th, 2021, 2:32pm; Reply: 15
Nicely done. Hard to imagine someone killing someone over the death of a cat but that's incidental to the decency of the story.
Very well done.
Posted by: AnthonyCawood, May 12th, 2021, 5:21pm; Reply: 16
Funny, but its a CAT!

At least make it a dog so that it's believable ;-)

May be just me but got a sort of Adams Family vibe from it.
Posted by: Gary in Houston, May 12th, 2021, 8:46pm; Reply: 17
Utterly creepy and fun and over the top and a great twist at the end. Great job there.
Posted by: SAC, May 12th, 2021, 8:46pm; Reply: 18
Writer,

Pretty good one. Nice twist, descriptive, visual. Check. Only thing is I don't think it was creepy enough. That part could have been amped up. Otherwise, solid.

Steve
Posted by: Gum, May 13th, 2021, 9:41am; Reply: 19
… and the cat came back, the very next daaaay! Always loved that little vignette, or litter vignette. Anyway, yeah, this was quick and to the punch, gut punch with poison that is. That must be one special cat, or cats if I’m reading that right, to warrant the retribution of death. I think in Egypt, back in the day, they had a death penalty for harming a cat, as they were seen as royalty, or God-like creatures. Me… I think they’re no more than a domesticated rat, but I better not say that out loud, cause that just might warrant death from cat lovers. Anyway, fun entry, works well for a 2-page snippet; a few questions unanswered, but meh… Best of luck.
Posted by: ReneC, May 13th, 2021, 11:40am; Reply: 20
They were so focused on each other that the reveal of the fact they even have a son works for the twist. It starts at an absurd level where the death of a cat is ground for justifiable homicide, and the absurdity ramps up with the reveal.

I wasn't a fan of no reaction from the boy. Not even a shoulder shrug, or maybe disappointment that he wasn't the one to kill them.

As a one-and-done it's not bad. It's like if the Addams Family immediately succeeded in killing one another, end of story.
Posted by: MarkItZero, May 13th, 2021, 12:55pm; Reply: 21
A nice twisted little tale. This might screw up the ending, but could consider bringing the kid into it earlier? He's at the dinner table with them, the picture of innocence. Just a thought.
Posted by: stevemiles, May 13th, 2021, 3:51pm; Reply: 22
Simple and effective with a darkly comic twist.  Could be one to come back to with a little more meat on the bone for setting up the family dynamic a little more.  Nicely handled for the challenge.
Posted by: Claudio, May 13th, 2021, 8:43pm; Reply: 23
Cute, funny, and morbid!? I need to take driving lessons from this writer, because I admire how they navigated those traffic cones.

This reminded me a little bit of Courage the Cowardly Dog, for some reason. I'm glad that it didn't just end with the old poison switcheroo. So many "nice touches" here, excellent work.

One of my top 5, awesome stuff~

Posted by: Bort, May 13th, 2021, 9:35pm; Reply: 24
This is reads like a black comedy horror because of how absurd it is.

Solid entry, one of my faves. Good job writer.
Posted by: PKCardinal, May 14th, 2021, 1:50pm; Reply: 25

Quoted from Cacutshaw


It might be just me though, but I wish it was something other than the cliche of a couple finding out they poisoned each other as the murder. Maybe something a bit more psychotic for these obviously demented human beings.


Busted.

This is a great note. I'll look for another way.
Posted by: PKCardinal, May 14th, 2021, 1:51pm; Reply: 26

Quoted from MarkItZero
A nice twisted little tale. This might screw up the ending, but could consider bringing the kid into it earlier? He's at the dinner table with them, the picture of innocence. Just a thought.


Excellent thought. I'll take a look.

Thanks!
Posted by: PKCardinal, May 14th, 2021, 1:56pm; Reply: 27
FYI, it was one cat. Each considered it "theirs."

Also, I figured anybody psycho enough to kill someone over a cat is psycho enough to marry somebody who would kill someone over a cat. And, if two psychos married each other, surely they'd have a psycho child. AND, they'd be proud of their psycho child. It kind of wrote itself.

As for the child having no reaction at the end... that was a conscious choice. This child has no feelings for anyone or anything. But, I could definitely see the argument for him looking at his dead parents and saying, "Awww. I wanted to do that."
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