A Bite Out Of Time by A Writer Out Of Time - A decades long experiment in ecological remediation results in unexpected consequence. Location: Body of water. Object: Item of advanced or electronic technology.  Short, Sci Fi

Well, it's a sci fi, but the horror isn't really there. Not a problem for the challenge though.

It's a dense bit of exposition that meanders more than it does its job, but the ending works despite that. It's a solid button on this, I just wish it were set up better.

Good effort.

Hey writer,

Mixed feelings on this. I like the idea, just the execution was a bit exposition heavy, especially for something so short. Still, it was pretty decent.

Good luck

A little dense in the beginning - I think if you had more pages you could have added some refreshing whitespace.

An interesting story - vivid - but like several I have seen so far, the end is like the end of a scene in a larger story than the end of a story (I hope that makes sense).

This could serve as a prologue to a movie titled Rise of the Krakens, but it's way too expensive for this challenge. Until Frank chops up the baby kraken at the end, there's no conflict. And, usually, when you're dealing with a mad scientist type, the assistant will serve as the voice of caution. Even when Frank is at his condescending worst, Jessica offers no resistance. Antagonism between the two, even if a just a word or a look, should be established immediately, especially when he's imparting the backstory.

The ending felt rushed... but I enjoyed the reveal that it was a mythological sea creature (the Kraken). The writing was good, overall. But the science mumbo jumbo was kinda boring to me. Not really my kind of story. But I probably liked it more than I thought I would. Nice work.

-- Michael

Aussie Kraken's are:

That's not a Kraken, this is a Kraken.  ;D
A bit too talky at the beginning. I thought Frank needed to decide if he thought Jessica was bright or not so. Bit contradictory.

Some nice humour and suspense.
I really thought she was a goner.

off Australia's
coast.
Maybe add East coast?

A teeny bit anticlimactic for me but it would make for a nice Hyper Epics Comic perhaps? The visuals were great.
A really different and quirky entry.

Love the ending but something is off. Perhaps the exposition with context could've been relayed a lot better if pages allowed. The initial banter could have been condensed or cleaned up to work in that information? IDK. From the middle of page two to the end was much better.

Good try, writer.

The writing's jammed packed here with a lot of exposition. Liked the aspect of mythological sea creature. Decent work.  

I like the idea of conservation experimentation bringing back to life long dead creatures, almost like a semi-realistic Jurassic Park. As others have said a bit heavy going at the start and rushed towards the end but well written and a good concept.
Well done.

Interesting logline, keen to see what it’s all about.

Quite the Kickstarter needed to raise this budget…

Action is dense - a fair amount of technical info being thrown out there and I’m really not sure I'm seeing what you want me to.

Frank’s astonished at her knowledge yet he knows her academic qualifications?

Don’t go into the water.  …Someone’s going into the water…

Unique visuals but I’m not sure what the story was here.  I liked the concept enough - Jurassic Park meets Biodome with a Kraken. Just not enough structure or sense of direction to bring it all into focus.

I liked this but struggled to believe Frank for some reason, hippy scientist who dresses like he's on safari... sorry, not for me.

But the story, and the eco aspect, I liked, not low budget but hey I think low budget was only a suggestion ;-)

Doesn't seem very low budget to me. That said, writing is solid.

Budget BOOOOOM!

Heavy writing at the beginning almost made me give up before I'd begun. Do we really need exactly 7.6m of salt water?

I like the story though and the reveal of the Kracken, made me want to read more. An interesting idea with potential.

Overwritten in places and a lot of build-up was required, reading it was a bit like swimming in honey, slow.

The idea is neat, not sure if I watched it I would feel entirely satisfied as I would want a lot more - turn it into a feature and your golden.

Well done

What if you can only get 7.5M of salt water? Kill the production? (I kid, but the point is that you are unnecessarily specific for a script. To the point that it harms the read. Just paint the visual. Nothing more needed.)

The ending was fun. Felt like it took a long time to get there -- odd for only a 4-page script -- but, I enjoyed it nonetheless.

You definitely have story talent.

I was hoping for a lot more out of this.

Took a while to get interesting and then I thought we lost Frank and Jessica had to run the company alone.. Nope

Just another day in the office for Frank apparently... it ended like a comedy

Decent entry and well written.

Fishing for trilobites is a cool idea. I also like the battle at the end, even though it was inevitable once the warning of don't go in the water was uttered.

I would skip all the introductions and start just as they are nearing the water. The introductions are pretty standard.

Thank you for a fun conclusion to the script.

Fun fact: There are at least four writers in this competition who were in the top of their class in marine biology and meteorology.

Hi writer,

Quoted Text EXT. BIOSPHERE 2 - DAY The three acre facility is surrounded by desert. It consists of five biomes under sealed glass.

You have no idea how much I want Pauly Shore to make an appearance!  :P

This had a lot of setup for a pretty disappointing ending, I wanted more.

All the best.

I really liked the idea of this. I also like the writing very much. I just wish there was a story to go with it. It feels more like a scene than a short film.

A bit overwritten=my type of writing, so it works for me. However I didn't enjoy the eposition through dialogue too much plus the 'indiana jones'-Frank t the end.

Writer,

I recognize this style. Very smartly written, pro level stuff, IMO. The end, however, didn’t quite have the punch that it deserved, though I did like it. Top mark from me.

Steve

Well written, this one is the most Sci-Fi I've read. I don't know about the ending though, kind of a let down, nice concept though.

Good concept. Feels more like the start of something bigger though.

I love a good Kraken story.

This had my interest but the end doesn't really feel like an end. Not a truly satisfying one, anyway.

You have a great imagination, and the idea here is pretty cool. Maybe expand it?? Hope you do!

Seriously? 7.6M liters of salt water? WTF was I thinking when I wrote this. Don't know why I made Frank to be such a douchebag either. Between being overly dense and the exposition, I could've saved a page and added more action.

BTW - Biosphere 2 does exist and I've toured it a number of times. Filming would be allowed and they would probably welcome the publicity and extra$$. Shoestring budget...perhaps but who knows. Not a budget killer by any means.

Definitely appreciate the bits of praise and all the criticism - thanks.

John, I had no idea who wrote this when I reviewed it.

;D Hyper Epics.