Too Good to be True by No name - A grieving widow and her bestie find out if it's too good to be true, it probably is.
Location: Public Bathroom. Object: Urn of ashes.   Short, Comedy

I liked this. Not very funny, but the golf bit was amusing. And I did like the twist there at the end... BUT... how did this younger woman (who I assume was having an affair with John Smith) get a hold of the urn?

This was a good effort, though needs a little polishing and perhaps some clarification on how the goomah got possession of the ashes.

-- Michael

Not a bad setup for the button, but I do wonder what motive the young woman had for taking the urn in the first place. It seems like it's just to set up the joke.

Still, for barely more than a page, it almost works. Maybe this was a last-minute scramble, but there's something here if it gets a bit more into it.

Hi writer,

Nice and short, I like it already.

The witting isn't bad, I'm not sure why young woman didn't just get a name.

The comedy didn't land for me.

Feels like a last minute effort, so congrats on getting something in.

All the best.

Decent writing and I get it well enough. I could just see it coming, so no real laughs from me. The banter was the positive here, for sure.

Good work, writer, for a page and a half.

Short and sweet I suppose - liked the dialogue - but couldn't quite figure out why she took the urn into the bathroom

Sorry writer
This one didn't work for me.

At a page and a half there was so much more room to explore.  
It started off with good dialogue but sadly had one  joke if any.

Hi Writer

Sorry, I am probably being a little dense, but I don't get the joke.
Was this woman a jilted lover and the guy wasn't golfing at all, instead, he was seeing her?
But why did she put the ashes down the toilet?

sorry for my confusion

It took me a second to get the twist that John was cheating, but, I don't see any comedy here. And why and how did the Young Woman got hold of the urn? Could have used the 2 more pages to make it effective.

Worth a chuckle.

Wouldn't have taken but a couple of lines to show the young woman snatching the urn. Which, could've added a layer to the short.

Worst case, you survived for round 3!

I assume the Young Woman is John's daughter because she has control of the urn. And because she flushed the old man away, I assume she hates the guy. And her "wrong answer" shot at mom leads me to believe good old dad molested her. If I'm wrong, that's what comes of assuming stuff.

Not sure what the funny part was. Seemed more like a drama. So he was a cheater and mistress flushed the ashes? Just left me confused.

Short and to the point, with a nice punchline. The dialog is over the top, which seems appropriate. I think it could have used another gag or two in the mourners' reminiscing, but it works.

Not sure why the date on the urn is 2019, maybe this was an idea the writer had on a shelf, so to speak? Or trying to avoid any hint of the pandemic? If it's the latter, the odd date only draws attention to it.

Nice job!

More like a sketch, one I didn't quite get until I read the comments. You have plenty of room to spell this out a bit more and expand into a story.

Short and sweet-is. I get the story and the bad golfer line raised a smile but that was it.
Well done on getting an entry in.

The mistress must not have liked that golfer very much. The last line was a good one.

Writer,

Yeah, so if this was a lover of his, then I don't get her response at all. One line of comedy was all there was. Other than that, not really much to go on here. Though I did smile when the toilet flushed.

Steve

The first thing I thought about when I saw the "comedy with an urn in the washroom" was about someone flushing the ashes down the toilet. There is a little more to the script than that, but I would have like it to be fleshed out a bit more so it doesn't just "happen".

I had to re-read this to suss what was happening.

Not sure why the URN had a 2019 inscription?

Or how the mistress (?) had the urn?

You had more page room to flesh this out, but decent effort.

Okay, definitely has comedy potential. I think you have to go more exaggerated. Open on the wife wailing in the bathroom. Then the best friend starts in on the crying too. Maybe there's even multiple people who the husbands cheated with - including the best friend. Just needs some more fleshing out after the challenge. Good effort.

Quick and to the point.  Subtle, maybe a touch too much?  I’m guessing the Young Woman was the ‘other woman’ and this is her revenge?  Might be good to see her make off with the ashes at the start so we can better connect her place in this.  Not quite laugh out loud funny perhaps, but I got a wry chuckle at the Young Woman’s waspy last line.  One to come back to with a polish perhaps.