Stay Close To Me by Luke Mepham - Short, Drama, Horror - After hiring someone to find her sister, a young Woman finds herself visiting a town with a strange resident. 11 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Nice story. Reminds of the kind of thing you'd find in a horror anthology.

Maybe you could shorten the second sentence from...

         She stares blankly at it before snapping out of it and realizing a WAITRESS is speaking to her.

...to...

          She stares blankly into space, the WAITRESS gets her attention.

Just flows a bit better with less words, bit of a mouthfull otherwise. It does help to read aloud what you've written then you can be the judge.


'He's radiating a poisonous atmosphere and Melissa is slightly concerned for her life here'

I'd get rid of 'for her life here' because it's not as if he's got his hand up ready to strike her or anything.

I know I'm being a bit picky here, but wouldn't the light of the lampost affect them now they're vampires? I don't know maybe i've missed something, do let me know.

Anyway, very well done.