Earth's End by Scott Sinclair - Sci Fi, Fantasy - Earth's future depends on who controls the powers of young Catherine Baldwin, as she unravels the dark secrets of her past. 94 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hi Scott

Just read your feature, Earth's End - I was impressed with the opening pages. the gloomy grimey London you built and the creepy introduction to the Tallis. It was rich imaginative visual writing.

Sadly, I don't feel you maintained that throughout the screenplay. For me there was way too much story told through the dialogue - For one instance, Katherine's dreams of the odd worlds and creatures and her lost father. An Audience doesn't want to be told about them, they wanna see them, feel them, be brought in to those visions.

The other use of dialogue was a running theme here - So you should really try and concentrate on telling the stories as visually as possible - Your imagination is great, your descriptive writing is there and you've got the application to finish a feature. So just keep reading and writing!

On a side note, your POV's were confusing - Creating a new scene every time we left the POV. I think you should just do:

MALCOLM
          This guy could be-

He stops as he looks towards where Jean was laying.

Malcom's POV: Jean is gone.