Bunk by Rob Herzog - Short, Horror - Siblings return to a room that terrified them as children. 5 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Loved everything about this. Easy to understand, flowed well, liked that you went full on horror towards the end. Reminds me of the kind of story you'd find in R. L. Stine's Goosebumps. I have two brothers and remember sharing a room with them years ago, so I could definitely relate to the arm dangling!
Loved 'twisted lips' and 'swollen tongues' and 'their screams are eternal'. Strong choices.
If I had to pick out one thing, shouldn't 'grarled' be 'gnarled'?
Well done.

Great Job!

Great story - well written, for all the dialogue that was sharp and to the point. Action lines too, that carried the story forward in a well structured/paced manner.
  

Good stuff. Well written.

Horror is a difficult sell on paper, you translated it well.

Hey Rob,

Nice read. It can be difficult to create conflict with people that aren’t mortal enemies. Those small, yet significant disagreements. I think you did a nice job here between the siblings. Each sibling is on the opposite end of how they feel about the room, the past, and selling or not selling the house.

I was anticipating the hand not being her brother's hand. But, nice setup/payoff with the rocks and Aunt Edith.

BLB

Nice idea, very well written.

If I'd one quibble I would remove the word 'inherited' here, as Doug's next line about selling the house spells it out without the need for exposition.

DOUG
They're ours now. Inherited.

Good job.