Cornament of Champions by JOHN E STAATS (JEStaats) writing as Kettle Corn & a pint of Bud Light - Short, Comedy, Mockumentary - A sportscaster's enlightening introduction to a great American pastime. 9 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

I thought this was great. Lots of chuckles along the way. Lots of innuendo and funny visuals too. It read kind of like a golf tournament on TV, but fun! Loved the play on words.

I hate writing really short reviews, but I honestly have nothing to ad to make it better. Now I wonder if my script is even half as good as I thought.

Great job!  8)

The Cornhole this and that made me grin, and it's meticulously crafted, but it got a little tedious as I kept waiting for the story to come full, ahem, cornhole. I guess I was wanting a twist, or a big laugh and it just sorta ended. Although I did like the depth of the world created in such a short time. If this story finds a big aha moment toward the end, it'd really finish it off. I keep thinking - this needs to come full cornhole, which is something I can honestly say I have never thought before.

Reads a lil' dense, but you've got a lot of images and personality/character to convey here.

You either know a lot about this topic too, or you did your research brilliantly.

GRETA
Oh, no, that's my son, Luke.

I kept picturing Greta Thunberg in the role.

Cracked me up there.  ;D
Casper falling to his knees and crying was great too.

Very nice job!
And clever too.

There is some absolutely great writing on display here, for sure.  Makes mine look like it got cornholed.  The characters were fun, but it felt like most of the focus was on Don and Buck rather than Casper and Greta.

The other thing I guess I would add is that this just seemed like a straight short.  There didn't seem to be much in the way of the documentary setting going on at all. But still, the humor is pretty solid and I enjoyed just the overall quality of the writing, so great stuff here.  Good luck with it.

The innuendos come thick and fast (there's a freebie)... and I've learnt a new word/meaning, as a Brit we called it something else in school, but for the life of me I can't remember what.

Loved this.

I really liked him talking about his dad - that was super funny.
after that it's whether he'll win - I think you need something else there. Maybe that girl could be his romantic interest or something.
So, it's not enough of a story for me, although it might be that these ones don't have to be defined in terms of how complete/rich the story is. It's just that way it looses me and I strain to go back to it and reread etc.
It's still very funny and all.

there's cornament and there's cornament - that cracked me up.
The first part about his fathers sack - I could see Will Ferrell saying all those crazy lines.

Overal, it's surely good

Love that first page before being introduced to what he's referencing. Some funny stuff. Love Buck, too. I see him as a sleazy ex-athlete sportscaster with zero class.

The interviews take it to the mockumentary level - I just wish there was more. You had another page, although it's a funny enough topic that there could be much more.

Good stuff.

This one started out really well but didn't take long for my interest to fizzle out unfortunately. Not sure if it's because it's the last of them I've read now so perhaps the novelty is wearing thin, or because some of the action/description was needlessly dense and I found myself fighting not to start skimming.

Shame as I can tell the writer definitely knows how to write well.

Good luck.

The dialog is great, but the prose is a bit blocky. Break it up a little bit.

Despite that, I really enjoyed this. Grew up playing(losing) cornhole, so I could totally relate. :) My kind of humor, too. ;D

Meets the challenge. Really good work here. :)

Quoted from Zack The dialog is great, but the prose is a bit blocky. Break it up a little bit.:)

That's what I wanted to say but didn't.

Quoted from Zack Despite that, I really enjoyed this. Grew up playing(losing) cornhole, so I could totally relate. :) My kind of humor, too. ;D:)

Wait what, cornhole is actually a real thing?

Quoted from Pleb Wait what, cornhole is actually a real thing?

It's very real.  ;D

Quoted from Pleb Wait what, cornhole is actually a real thing?

Yes, these people aren't just going around, fucking each other in the ass. Lol. Kidding, kidding. But, yeah, it's a aiming-type sport, resembling horseshoes in style.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cornhole

Hi writer,

Great job all round! Funny, fits the challenge, excellent characterization, and very well written. Another I can't fault.

Sorry I don't have more for you, you have a great script here.

All the best.

Oh cornhole. Never knew it was actually a thing till I moved to North Carolina five years ago. I even have my own set up now!

Funny innuendos and quirky characters. I felt it went on a little long, maybe? Or possibly prose just needs to be tightened. But I did enjoy it.

Great effort, writer!

Writer,

Wonderful! Loved everything about this — the innuendos, double entendres, what not. I thought it all very cute until the first mention of rim job. That’s when I laughed out loud. Tone, pace, descriptions … Everything was all good without going too far over the top. My only issue was the ending.  Think it needed more, perhaps a visit from Greta in there screaming at her kid or something. Anyways… Loved this! Only read a few, but this, so far, is by far my fav. Great work!

Steve

The innuendo didn't seem to do it for me because you didn't take it as far as it could possibly go. If you're going to do the ridiculous, innuendo-laced route, you have to be fully committed to it. I wanted to like this, but most of the jokes didn't land for me. Not that it was bad, just not my kind of humor.