Race Wars by Dave & Lionel - In a year of unprecedented political and social unrest, residents in the quaint English village of Little Tiddlington, are finally given the chance to candidly voice their opinions.  Short, Comedy, Mockumentary

I thought this one was actually pretty interesting in how it took people's perception on hearing something that sounds racial or gender-bating only to find out it had nothing to do with either.  So very clever on how you were able to pull that off.

The writing is pretty self-assured and I can pretty much guess who wrote it,  Couple of minor typos here and there but I don't judge on that type of stuff as we're all rushing to get our stuff in.  I suppose my only comments are is that while it definitely fit the mode of the mockumentary, the comedy was fairly light throughout (just my opinion, of course, comedy is obviously very subjective).  The comedy appeared to be more in the reveals than in the setup.  There was also a lot of setup for each team, but I thought the payoff would be in the race, but we never got that, so it feels like it ended a little abruptly.

But overall, still a very good effort here.  Best of luck.

Quoted from Gary in Houston I thought this one was actually pretty interesting in how it took people's perception on hearing something that sounds racial or gender-bating only to find out it had nothing to do with either.  So very clever on how you were able to pull that off.

I agree with this.

There were a LOT of jokes in this. Some hits and misses. I give you extra points for doing a double with Hamilton. I bet most Americans missed that one, unless they are F1 fans.  

There were also a LOT of characters in this one. Nothing wrong with that per se, but in this short amount of time, they become impossible to remember. I would suggest calling them by some visual or character traits to help us remember each one.

Other than that, topical and fun.

Good job!  :)

Hmm. This is pretty creative and you definitely threw a lot at us. I think maybe you had too many characters for a short of this length. I was constantly having to go back and check who was who.

The writing itself is solid. Nothing super flashy, but it gets the job done. A few typos and grammar mistakes, but no biggie. ;)

The jokes were more miss than hit for me, unfortunately. I do appreciate the attempts, but this one just didn't really land with me. Still, good job getting something in. This was a tough challenge and you met it. :)

SPOILERS:

The writing is good. I like that there's a concrete story here. You went into it with a goal in mind. But there are too many characters brought in too late and then a lot is simply told to us.

If you go at this again, the characters need to be brought in and established earlier leading up to the race but beyond that - the race itself needs to have a funny turn of events that takes over after the audience gets the twist. It'll give the story more legs. Perhaps one of the characters really is racist? I don't know, but it'll I think bring the entirety of this together. Good foundation to work with and I like the idea. Keep at it. Reminds me a bit of Best in Show potential.

Well, it was hard to stay in cos it's so many different individual situations (I don't know what to call it) in this one.
But there were a lot of jokes too, and the whole thing is very smartly written.

Also, the punch line - that was funny, the race thing done this way - that's really good.

But it's hard to read something, anything, with that many characters/situations, their views/interviews. that could be done for a feature maybe. This is a good idea for a feature, reminds me of that dog show mockumentary film called Best in Show. But yours is totally different subject.

Hey maybe you could expand it? That one is famous

This jumps around quite a lot due to the large cast, but love the ambition.

The jokes, well, some land and some may have gone over my head.

But, and it may be my snowflake nature, some of these, if ever filmed, could come across as excuses for they type of comments I think you are trying to highlight.

Decent effort

Zero to Sikh-sty. That's funny.

Some pretty humorous stuff in here but it just didn't fire on all cylinders (couldn't help that one). Almost too much for an 8-page short (you had two more pages!). I would've love some actual racing with interaction and some taunting between teams.

Very valiant effort - Good work, writer.

That was unexpected, so you got me there! Was better on a second reading too, but expecting anyone to read a script more than once is expecting too much imho. Dialing back the amount of characters would help too.

Good luck.

Nice job on the mislead ending, but this was a tough read due to so many characters in only 8 pages.

You got a few chuckles out of me. I thought this was very clever and the writing was good. Just needs some more work and maybe more pages, or less characters.

Nice effort!!!

Hi writer,

Bravo, excellent and ambitious misdirection and it all came together perfectly. I loved the creativity of this.

The humour also landed for me.

The script itself needs another quick edit but the writing, although I have some personal preference issues with it, is really strong.

Great job!

All the best.

Haha! Very cleverly choreographed and put together.
Loved the subtle humour throughout, and loved the hidden scenario against what we first assume.

All of these characters would be easily identifiable on screen.

I particularly enjoyed the subtext of the Gay's dialogue. He's not too bright is Mark. Needs to cop himself on.  ;D

Very well done!

I feel bad because whomever wrote this put a good amount of thought into it and it seems like I just missed it. None of the jokes landed for me, the innuendos didn't actually read like jokes, they just read like transitions. I also don't want to rate this script because I feel like it would be unfair if I did. I missed what you were going for and that's not your fault, it's mine.

Writer,

I guess I missed the point on this one big time. Not quite sure what to make of it.  Some sort of social commentary, though it was totally lost on me. Really didn’t detect any comedy at all. Pages are numbered on the wrong sides. Big smash cuts to start off with. Ducks waddling over the village green have me an image of, well, ducks waddling over the green, not through it, which is why I think you meant. Anyway, good effort but doesn’t work for me.

Steve