The Long and Most Tragic Life of George Clark by Samuel Capper - Short, Drama - George Clark wants to live forever, the problem is, he will. Will his demon give up his soul for a friend? 8 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Good set up at the start, you give just enough info to pull the reader in. Reminded me of Hellraiser for some reason (Frank opening the box).

Scene headings should be formatted as - EXT. OPEN FIELD - DAY

I would just put GEORGE (late 20's) is standing alone. Don't need 'in a wide, open field' cause we already know he's in a field from the heading.

I would have liked a character description for MARLOWE. A demon can look like anything you want so you can have fun with it.

Don't need (cont. ) or (beat).

You don't need to put the character names in capitals through the entirety of the story, only when you first introduce them.

Try and break up your lines of action more e.g,

                     George stabs Marlowe in the back, steps back.

                     Silence.

                     Marlowe grunts, pulls out the knife.

And here,

                     Dirty, bloodied hands appear in the doorway.

                     Take a firm grasp of a terrified George.

                     He struggles.

                     More hands appear, grab arms, legs and torso.

Something along these lines.

Otherwise good effort, again it had that Hellraiser vibe which i liked.