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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Short Drama Scripts  /  Hate
Posted by: Don, October 3rd, 2021, 11:40am
Hate by Steven Sallie - Short, Drama - A young man tries to console his transgender best friend after he is targeted by a bully. 4 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Posted by: ColinS, October 7th, 2021, 12:07pm; Reply: 1
Hi There,

This was very endearing and relevant of the times. The writing was solid, conveyed the emotions really well.

My only issue is the purpose of the story. Because it's short we only know that Alan has been beaten for presumably being a trans person. And we know that Derek is a good friend and has his back. But that is about all we found out - I just wonder if that little bit of back story around Alan and Derek would strengthen their camaraderie in the bathroom.

Why has Derek got Alan's back? Did he maybe have a thing for him when he was a girl?

I dunno - I just felt this one needed a few more pages maybe to set Alan and Derek's relationship. But I could definitely be wrong :)

Any way - Great little short.

Posted by: AlsoBen, October 7th, 2021, 11:06pm; Reply: 2
Hey Steve,

Can you confirm you're on the boards?

As the resident SJW avocado-toast-eating millennial, I will point out that reader will be confused that you've introduced Alan as just "trans" and use he/him pronouns. The world still needs more hand-holding - call him a "trans man" so people know what you mean, or even better - FTM trans.
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