Hit The Road by Nicholas  Ryan - Short, Drama - Jack recites his argument with his fiance to his therapist. 10 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hey Bud. I gave your script a read... some pointers regarding your format;

- INT. DAY  We need to know where we are, location. INT. LOCATION - DAY
- None of the characters are arced. You need to arc them on introduction, no matter how simple... JACK, late 30s, tall dark and handsome. We cap our characters only once, on introduction. Don't, as you have, continue to cap them.
- INT. DAY - THE KITCHEN  Must be INT. KITCHEN - DAY ~ Always INT/EXT then LOCATION then TIME
- As above, same with INT. THERAPIST. Must be INT. THERAPIST OFFICE - DAY
- Don't cap dialogue to indicate Joanne is yelling. For all after you mentioned she's yelling in your action scene. You could use a parenthetical to indicate this. JOANNE (Yelling).
- Parentheticals are used to express the emotion of the characters (Sad), tone (Yelling), body language (Frowns). Not as you had done with JACK (Pissed off. He throws an object...) that belongs in your action scene.
- Your story is out of structure. It reads; Jack sits by himself in an office - then he is (V.O) in the kitchen - then he is in the therapist office speaking to the therapist. Though yet, Jack, from the beginning was in the therapist office (not alone) and he was telling the therapist of what had perspired in the kitchen, thus, don't use the (V.O) You see what I mean about your opening slug; INT. DAY ~ Had you slugged INT. THERAPIST OFFICE - DAY we'd know where we are.

Hope this all helps you with a good rewrite. Best.
    
    

Barry, what do you mean by :

You need to arc them (the characters) on introduction, no matter how simple...

Ha! With that title I love that you called your character Jack... surely that's not a coincidence, right?

Hi LC.

Characters are just named - JACK. Arc, describe, give us a "visual" of the character... JACK, late 30s, tall dark and handsome.

Lol, Matthew. I thought the same.

Quoted from LC You need to arc them (the characters) on introduction, no matter how simple...

The word arc is the wrong word here. Arc is the path or course the character goes through during the story. Not something you use in a character description. Other than that, the other comments are correct, IMO. BUT, ultimately, if the reader understands the story, you did something right. If the reader loves the story itself, they are much less likely to get hung up on technicalities. Everyone loves a GOOD story. :)