Ol' Shit for Brains was right after all. by Shit for Brains - Short, Comedy - A not so clever guy stumbles across an opportunity to save the planet. - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

That was quite a bit of silliness, I'll give you that much. Fairly rough in presentation with a lot spelling and grammar errors. Not sure what NB is supposed to mean. None the less, entertaining and complete. The description of his voice being similar to Goofy worked but the alien as Bugs didn't for me.

A fun read, for sure. Good luck, writer!

Sorry, this one didn't do too much for me. It is kind of funny overall but the laughs just weren't there for me. I kept wondering of the wasteland description of the farm was meant to convey a futuristic setting of perhaps another planet altogether.

It's like Invaders from Mars meets the Beverly Hillbillies meets Baskets.  Even though the ending was no surprise, I really liked it.

First off - humorous title. This is overwritten by way of adverbs. That said, the visuals the writer was going for were clear and energetic.

The way Jessie treats his brother gives the reader a soft spot for Melvin’s character. The dialogue stands out in a good way, especially at the end when Jessie says we better push that button. There’s a good contrast between the slowness of Melvin’s speech and the fast pace of the alien. I think that contrast would translate well on film.

I thought the pliers were going to be pivotal to the story later on since Melvin valued them so much. The overall story didn’t grab me, but the writer created intriguing characters and I enjoyed how this dysfunctional family interacted with each other.

Quite a lot of funny one liners and overall I enjoyed it although I seen the end coming which is a shame . I think a wee end twist would work wonders.

Ohhhhh what happened to the pliers.

"We are considered, certainly on our planet, to be the most ingenious race in the entire cosmos." I got a good laugh out of this line. Could easily apply to humans, yes?

There were a few good laughs in here.

The pliers... I thought they were going to be important. Kind of disappointed that they weren't. It would be pretty easy to make them critical to activating the shield. I hope you consider rewriting for that purpose.

Obviously, budget isn't a concern. :)

This story completely lost me.  I couldn't make out what was happening through out the story.  I got lost midway through the script and confused while trying to understand what was happening.  

Gentle and funny, liked it overall.

Not a fan of the "Straight away we know..." type of intro's but that's just me.

Detectors don't generally have flashing red lights, but I'm thinking maybe they should ;-)

A bit too goofy (see what I did there?) for my tastes but a very creative interpretation of the challenge. The title gives away the ending so there is no surprise there.

You managed to fit a lot in 10-pages but I did find myself skimming and there are quite a few errors, but I just presume you were in a rush.

This may work better as an animated short and a full-on homage to the Chuck Jones era of cartoons.

I really liked this script. There were plenty of successful nuggets. I loved that Melvin was talking to the pliers and that his expression was "forever goofy." It was funny when the alien added that it was "stoked that you speak English, by the way." I also appreciate the line: "That's it, he's dead." Overall, I admire the style and the wit. Yeah, there were some grammatical issues, but that's an easy fix.

Hey John! You been hiding under a rock? Bit of metal detecting humour there.
NB comes from the Latin phrase “nota bene,” which means “mark well or note well this information.

Okay, reading on:

As is, the pliers were irrelevant. Make that find specifically lead Melvin to the big something else or there's quite a bit of wasted filler imh.

Btw, I wanted Bugs to be named as such. Voice gets a bit boring after a while especially for a character who has a lot of character.  ;D I really liked the immodesty of the character -

Yeah, I had to pick (a) voice.  We're amazing imitators.
;D

Had a few chuckles, characters were well defined, denouement was a little predictable but also satisfying as a way to vindicate poor misunderstood Melvin and put smartarse Jessie in his place.

Nice work. Entertaining. Well done!

I liked Jessie and "shit for brains" line. Although when you see something like that you expect Throw Momma from the train kind of comedy. And maybe you tried something in that sense.

Jessies interaction with Melvin was good overall, had a spark.

You could rewrite with that in mind and making characters a bit more multi-dimensional than they are.

Well written, funny... loved it! Two words… Simple Jack.

GUM - I pray they make Simple Jack into a feature!

And Satans Alley for that matter!

Lol, I hear you! The funniest one was Tugg Speedman, Action Hero:


"... and no one saw it coming 5 more times, here we go again... again"

Well this was a fun script, had some laughs and played out as a good comedy. There's a few typos but nothing glaring as to take you out of the story.

I thought the pliers were going to make another appearance as you had set them up, but they didn't make another appearance.

Overall this was good script, I would've liked to see Melvin be the hero in the story and actually get to press the button, as he was just a punching bag for his brother and everyone underestimated him. It would've brought a good resolution to his character arc and made the story more fulfilling.

Instead he gets hauled away by the ambulance and misses his moment of glory. Maybe he could've fought off the paramedics and pulled the lever himself? Just a thought.

Best of luck.