My Little Girl by Steven Sallie - Short, Comedy - A father struggling to connect with his daughter is tested further when she gets her first period at a very inconvenient time. 12 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

I like this, Steven!.

The dialogue was a strong point.
I thought maybe it could be a little faster to get going, and maybe there be a more compelling reason for Sidney to join her father at the store, but you built the relationship well between father and daughter very nicely.

The biggest thing for me was I would love to see more character evolvement for David. A bit more of a comedy of errors.

Perhaps a couple of teen boys notice Sidney in the store, stare and giggle. Sidney stands up to them somehow. That would certainly add outside conflict which I think you needed a touch of. These two appeared in a bit of a void in the actual store. Sidney makes a remark about them looking like guilty shoplifters but I never really sensed other's (even non-verbal) interaction.

Maybe David ends up embarrassing his daughter at first, maybe he knocks over a store display but then comes to her rescue by taking off his sweater, tying it around her waist and ushering her outside. I think it's hard to get the balance of drama and comedy right with subject matter like this.

It was a bit light on comedy, more dramedy/coming of age.
For it to really work as comedy I think you need to go all out like Apatow did with Knocked Up.

This line of Sidney's for example:

SIDNEY
It’s okay. It’s just my first period. Stop being so weird.

If you made that David's line (minus the weird bit) instead, it could be very funny.
And her rebuttal something like: It's my first period, Dad, not yours.

Sidney doesn't seem fazed much at all by the circumstances and I know most girls/women would be/are, in this situation.

I wanted David to be more of a hero, after first being a complete klutz.

You could do more with her shorts too. Maybe they're on the end of her bed freshly washed at the end maybe? Her face jubilant because they're her favourites. She naturally  jumps to the conclusion Mom washed them, but then Dad passes her room, winks, says something like: Cold water. I googled it. Thus bringing him into the 21st Century and a little less behind the times, and her having renewed respect for him.

I like your ending as is btw. It's very sweet, but more straight drama with some nicely felt moments.