The Miracle by James Williams & Trenton Tiggs - Short, Horror - An altar boy seeks to share a miracle with a priest at the local church. 1 page - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

James/Trenton,

Interesting 1-pager. As tough as it is to write a story in one page, you two did a good job. However, there's always going to be more questions than answers.

While this feels like the opening to something more, I did appreciate the build up to the very end. The ending was a bit of a letdown, as I wonder, who is the man? Why are his wrists slit? Where is he falling from? How did he get there?

The idea of making Saint Maria cry blood, only for the blood to be coming from somewhere else rather than the statue, was clever.

Hope to hear from either of you about this.

Sean

Hey Sean!

Thanks a ton for giving this a read and for the feedback as well. I'm glad you liked the ending, and yeah there's questions to be answered. Its tough with a one pager lol, but we wanted to dip our toe into screenwriting and get accustomed to the format, etc. James/Trenton

Thanks again and as always looking forward to reading more from you as well. - James

BLB

Nice one, guys.

One pagers rely on a big ending and you didn't disappoint.
I liked your inclusion of the door slamming on Father Bryant and him having to push it open. That's added atmosphere.

One nitpick: The slit on the wrist implies the guy done himself in.
If his throat was cut, or a gaping bullet wound, I'd be more drawn to the conclusion of murder which follows the Horror genre a bit closer.

You might entertain the kid finally clocking the body too and a final scream from him as you cut to black.
I liked the miracle v horror reveal though.

P.S. Delete character (CONT'Ds) in your software. They're kinda passé now and that one looks slightly askew anyway. Keep only the ones to denote the next page.

Thanks LC!

Nice catch on the "CONT'D." We'll definitely heed that advice. Glad you liked the ending. Nice suggestion with the dead body and adding a bit of murder/mystery.

BLB

This is well wriiten IMO. But for me, not quite finished.

If it is just done for a writing exercise - grade A. If it is done to tell a story, this is not complete. It's a scene in a larger story. Hope that makes sense.

Thanks for the read eldave1!

That makes perfect sense... We definitely approached it like a writing exercise. Eventually we want to work to something longer and more complete. - James

BLB

Quoted from Busy Little Bee Thanks for the read eldave1! That makes perfect sense... We definitely approached it like a writing exercise. Eventually we want to work to something longer and more complete. - James BLB

My pleasure