Splodge by Chris Atna - Short, Sci fi, Horror  - A close encounter of the sixth kind leaves the human race fighting for survival - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

A fairly decent invasion story, reminiscent of The Blob. Maybe some special effects will be needed but it should be fairly easy to film. Nice work.

Reads a lot like a riff on The Blob, nice visuals though and well written.

As soon as Claus is introduced the found footage would stop? Certainly makes little sense as why would he carry on filming inside the warehouse with someone he knows. Also no one really finds the footage, so who plays it?

Other than that, decent tale.

This was a tidy and well-written story, you're clearly a good writer - but I did have some issues with the found footage elements.

It just felt a little off for found footage at times - Your operator captured way too much action and detail on queue - whereas I think at times he needed to hear something and then spin the camera round in that direction. He seemed to film things unnaturally throughout, like when the lady is consumed by the splodge - he doesn't react it to it at all. Doesn't say anything, it would be a horrific thing just to quietly film.

It was however an engaging little story, with some genuinely funny moments. And massive kudos for entering.

I'm watching McQueen's THE BLOB. Nicely written. But who was holding the camera? It seemed to switch back and  forth, or at times not at all. A nice little SciFi project someone should film.  

Comments about the similarity to the story concept of The Blob, and some confusion about whether this story represents a found footage technique to reveal what happen have been raised, but...

I got a kick out of the writer's clever idea of using the environment of a hydroponic weed farm to find a weapon to battle the Splodge! Forget the flame throwers, machine guns, acid and all the old cliches -- bring on the Liquid Nitrogen! But, of course, doom awaits as nitro runs out.

Characters were well drawn, dialogue entertained, but the ending was expected because of the invasion template.  For me, a fun ride.

This was the beginning to a much larger story.

The ending just seemed to peter our as though you ran out of time and pages.
I've ran out of time and space as well.

This seems like a sequel to The Raft by Stephen King. Or maybe an origin story.

I like the idea, but I don't like the name. It makes it sound like a comedy.

Thanks for the read.

-Jordan

Lights fall from the sky
Bit obscure as an opening image for me.
Even if you added atmosphere with a word like 'strange', or described something akin to a meteor shower, or beams of light shooting from the night-sky.

I think your opening setup could be condensed. A sequence of chaotic shots would work nicely and be faster.

Splodge doesn't seem to be a threatening enough moniker for this thing that devours people. It sounds too much like it might be a latest fad toy for kids imho.

I was at first a bit confused with who your primary protagonist was in this disaster tale.

At first I thought it was the BUM (might be more PC as Homeless Person btw, but maybe you're drawing a distiction there, I dunno). Anyway, I was under the impression he was going to be your documenter of proceedings but then it changed to OPERATOR, which really pulled me up short. My advice there is give Operator a name so we can relate better. Claus has a name, so he should too.

Things ramped up once the dialogue, plot and characters really got into gear.

Stoners save the day!  :D Well, they were ruminating on doing so, anyway.
Some nice humour (maybe add a bit more) and nice suspense once things got going.

Cool idea, with the space virus. Writing is really solid as well. Didn't really notice any typos or grammar mistakes. A nice, clean script. Not sure you nailed the found footage aspect though. Some of it was a little tough to see in my head, particularly the bit with the drug dealer. Also wasn't a fan of the ending. Felt like a whimper, when it should have been a bang.

Still, good effort. Others might like this one more than I do.

This is the kind of story that catches my interest quickly. Light matter crashing
to earth and carrying some kind of alien life. I liked the sense of wonder, with
people whipping out their phones.
But of course, it's gonna get crazy and fast.
I wasn't sure who the camera guy was initially. Give him a name and maybe he
can do some OS commentary early on as to what he's heard and what he thinks.
I think the Operator is a content creator. And this invasion is like a pot of gold
to him. So, he's the last guy to think about safety.
Like Libby, I thought the Bum was the camera dude. Really. It reads as if he dropped
the phone and then says, "did I get it all?" It seemed he was referring to
video footage. In fact, my initial thought was that the protagonist employed the bum
to be a second camera man. (come on, give the guy a job.)

Once the Operator gets to the warehouse, things really slow.
I would have enjoyed it more if Claus invited the Operator inside, and neither
has a clue as the alien's brand of kryptonite.
Maybe the guys went out for a smoke and a Slodge lands in the area.
Then we see how Claus discovers a way to stop the Splodge.
And this gives further reason for the OP to be filming.
The story kind of ends quietly. At this time, they know how to control the alien life and
so no more threat.

A couple of quirky ideas splodged into my brain cave. What if the splodge had a
yen for stoners. Weed does surrender its own peculiar aroma.
Secondly, what if the Operator is gathering footage of the invasion, while also
collecting fallen phones from victims. All for the additional video content.

Anyway, nice job. The writing is good. Just needed to boost the stakes so it wouldn't seem
like a "too familiar" variation of the Blob.

Ahoy writer,

Don't let the slimy title fool you, there's always room for more Jell-O... :D  OK,  it was a cute nostalgia take on the "The Blob." I did like it, I just wasn't inebriated with it like some other's, but you've gotten some great advice here. I would just add the ending was a bit anti-climatic - wish you had done more.

Anywaz, that's just my two cents... Or pounds. Best of Irish luck! :)-A

Hi writer,

This was a ton o’ fun, and quite sci-fi, which I dig. Lots to take in and I could envision/imagine the goo crawling and falling about. Cause, honestly, if we’re gonna have an alien invasion then it’s got to be a Zombieland-esque Spluge barrel of fun, err...Splodge, barrel of Splodge. Best of luck.