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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board / Short Horror / Bliss
Posted by: Don, August 14th, 2022, 6:27pm
Bliss by Jesson Kinder - Short, Horror - A family struggles to survive a fast-spreading virus that transforms those infected into smiling, murderous maniacs. 8 pages - pdf format
Writer interested in feedback on this work
Posted by: Nomad, August 17th, 2022, 3:29pm; Reply: 1
This was really good.
There were a few typos and I'm not really a fan of the italics, but other than that, I had no complaints.
Smile by Nat King Cole would be a good song to end with also.
This was a great read. Thanks.
-Jordan
Posted by: LC, August 17th, 2022, 6:10pm; Reply: 2
Posted by: TheFuture, August 18th, 2022, 9:47pm; Reply: 3
Give's me purge vibes. You did a good job with coming up with a virus while also giving the character a chance to mask the fact that she isn't infected yet. I like the setup of this into a feature length. Great idea!
Posted by: Storey_Matters, August 19th, 2022, 11:17am; Reply: 4
I generally don't like to comment on the writing as I prefer to see the story. That said.
Dead silence emanates from the city that never sleeps. No
stray cats or fat rats in sight.
Dead silence can be shown at a director's discretion. However, I'm not a fan of a screenwriter telling us what we don't see. The first sentence is a powerful one and can stand alone.
Oh. Well, I'm not really a fan of this style at all. I'm barely through the first page and I'm struggling to read it. There are commas where there should be ands. Run-on sentences are split into two lines. Are the NUNS the PURSUERS? They're introduced as two separate groups.
I struggled to follow the story and used clues from other posters to gather what I'd just read. I suppose, you can't please everyone. I tend to avoid the zombie/infected genre and the resulting tropes. You clearly have your fans though so whaddaIknow?
Posted by: Nomad, August 19th, 2022, 12:37pm; Reply: 5
...the big problem you might have is its similarity to this new release movie: Smile
|
That looks really creepy with a
The Ring feel to it.
Unfortunately I find it difficult to watch films with such flat lighting and color grading. But maybe that's done intentionally.
Jesson's script, while similar, is more of a virus that affects people and seems like a play on society right now. As long as you're one of the ones smiling, everything is going to be fine... I swear.
Why aren't you smiling?
-Jordan
Posted by: Jesson K., August 20th, 2022, 2:12pm; Reply: 6
Thanks so much for all of your reviews, everyone!
I get the similarities to Smile, but I think it's more about an It Follows type curse??? (Can't wait either way.)
Thanks again!
Cheers! :)
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