Murderer by Victor Titimas - Short, Drama - A murderer remorsefully narrates the life of his victim. 4 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

A few notes...

• I feel like there's a guy named "Jason" in this story, but I'm not sure.
  You use the name "Jason" too many times. I understand what you're doing but it's just a few too many and some of them seem out of place.
  
• You start with V.O. but then on the last page you don't use it. Is Roger actually talking here?
  
• "Roger puts his hand between his palms." Do you mean he put his head between his palms?
  
• You definitely made me feel for Jason's wife and mother. I felt their pain at the funeral and afterward.
  
• I also felt for Roger and his remorse for what he's done. Good job.
  

This was a quick tale of not being able to take back things we've done and living with the consequences.

Well done.

-Jordan

Oh repent and lament. Couldn't empathize with the narrative at all. It felt to me too obviously full of remorse and contrite.

John Stone.