Fruit of Human Kindness by Norman Crane - Short, Horror - A 19th-century Englishman testifies about allegations of unnatural conduct made against his employer. 5 pages - pdf format

New writer interested in feedback on this work, please be nice :)

Hi Norman

Hope you are well.

I was oddly enthralled by the whole thing. Love the bookend visuals of the bubbling soup.

Its a bit head-talky. I'd maybe get some more action in there, maybe some flashback visuals to the story he is telling. I'd also put in a description of the chambers.

Too much talking and not enough description left me wondering what was going on.

empty sleeves doesn't mean that he has no arms. To me it means his shirt doesn't have any sleeves.
If he's missing his arms... say that he doesn't have arms.

What are examining chambers? There's no description. All I see is a man with a shirt on that has no sleeves in a dark room sitting in a chair.

This reads more like a comedy than a horror.

Perhaps this was an exercise of a dialogue rich script that just didn't work for me.

-Jordan

Hi, Norman, read the script.

It has potential, however, the dialogs don't help here. The dialogs sound too loose to tense up the atmosphere and give the feeling of dread (which I suppose you're aiming for). I think that this script needs more visuals to create the necessary horror tone rather than depending on the dialogs.

Good luck.