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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Horror Scripts  /  Pale Rider
Posted by: Don, December 25th, 2022, 5:36pm
Pale Rider by Pablo Cesar - Horror - In a burial looms the bald head of a rogue screaming blue eyed. An Indian prays pummeling the ground and waving arms to the black sky. Six riders on their mounts beheld the burial. The owl hooters somewhere, shrilled growls and wild stomps stirred their horses. ‘Ho-ho-shoot…’ In a shack the buried corpse shuffles. ‘Ho-ho-shoot… Ho-ho-shoot…’ The riders shoot at him clamorously…  95 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Posted by: the goose, December 30th, 2022, 8:31am; Reply: 1
Hey Pablo - not sure if you're on here. I took a look at this as I enjoyed the movie Bone Tomahawk and wondered if this might be in that kind of style.

The logline is confusing - it almost reads like a poem. The title 'Pale Rider' is already in use for an old Eastwood flick.

I tried to read the script - the prose is very hard to follow and I'm afraid I struggled to get into it. I'm wondering if this was put through a translator? Or is this some kind of style you were trying?

Whatever the weather, happy to read if another draft comes up. Congrats on finishing a feature screenplay, it's an achievement.
Posted by: PabloM, June 13th, 2023, 4:26pm; Reply: 2
Hi the goose. You're right, I did watch Clint eastwood film, but it was'Val Kilmer in 'tombstone' who inspire me to write down 'Pale rider' I'm latin writer (Colombia) and i guees its quite no clear the meaning of my sentences written in english. Thanks for you review.
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