We Probably Have Not Met by Michael Winters - Short, Fantasy, Horror - A burned out man in the early days of a worldwide disaster tries in vain to turn his imbalanced life around, instead becoming lost in a surreal and hellish landscape where he must keep his sanity together. 15 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Thanks!

Are you after feedback, Michael?

Hi Michael

Recently I have decided that when I give feedback, I would do it purely on story (ignoring typos/writing choices/ so called "taboos" etc) but I honestly have no idea what I just read lol

It is completely barmy but in a totally interesting way, I just wish I knew what was happening!

Some really cool visuals in there, you have a unique imagination! I would imagine that 17-year-old stoner me would enjoy watching this.

Are you filming this yourself? (hence the camera shots)
If not, just know that they really pulled me out of the read and got very frustrating.

Best of luck

Matt

Quoted from Matthew Taylor Hi Michael Recently I have decided that when I give feedback, I would do it purely on story (ignoring typos/writing choices/ so called "taboos" etc) but I honestly have no idea what I just read lol It is completely barmy but in a totally interesting way, I just wish I knew what was happening! Some really cool visuals in there, you have a unique imagination! I would imagine that 17-year-old stoner me would enjoy watching this. Are you filming this yourself? (hence the camera shots) If not, just know that they really pulled me out of the read and got very frustrating. Best of luck Matt

Yeah, I thought I'd do this one myself with a proper budget. If not, I created a TV series ("Logal Moguls"), which may be read elsewhere on this forum and is a lot more conventional, probably will get more traction. But this was moreso a project that other feedback has described as "Eraserhead"-like, which is apt. For context, I wrote this at the peak of Covid, and I never felt it was going to be straightforward and Lynch wrote his about fears and troubles in his life, too. The themes are there, though, and all universal: workplace issues, inability to control the environment, the feeling of personal and professional failure (ultimately driving one to madness).

I instantly thought of Lynch when I read this

You certainly made me feel it and that's what it's all about ultimately.

Interesting lesson too in when writing camera angles actually works for visualising and some instances where it detracts.

Really good work!

Quoted from LC I instantly thought of Lynch when I read this You certainly made me feel it and that's what it's all about ultimately. Interesting lesson too in when writing camera angles actually works for visualising and some instances where it detracts. Really good work!

Thank you. Yes, I agree that the camera directions could be ditched for more palatable public consumption. Other comps I'd include would be Jacob's Ladder and the Ari Aster short "Beau." Basically, I just like the idea of the Universe fucking with an average guy. Also inspired by these concepts: http://www.wikipedia.org/wiki/Witching_hour, http://www.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dark_Night_of_the_Soul. Might play up the comedy of this in a future draft, and feel free to let me know beyond the intentional opaqueness and surrealism how this might improve!