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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board / Review My Logline / Pet-Cam logline help
Posted by: Grandma Bear, January 22nd, 2023, 11:53am
After a few years of not doing much writing I have one fished first draft. I wrote it in hopes that it would be something Dena and I could film, but if someone offers me any $$ for it, I'll gladly go with that too. ;D
It's a horror feature with one location, pretty much, and only a handfull of characters. I suck at loglines, so any suggestions would be very much welcomed. This is what I have so far.
A young horror buff couple buys an old abandoned murder house with the intent to rent it out as a haunted bed and breakfast. However, when their cat's pet-cam records strange and scary things inside the house, they suspect real sinister things are afoot that may threaten their lives.
:K)
Posted by: Zombie Sean, January 22nd, 2023, 3:16pm; Reply: 1
A young, horror-obsessed couple convert an abandoned murder house into a supposedly haunted bed and breakfast, but find that something sinister resides within when their cat's pet-cam begins to capture strange happenings.
Kinda long, imo, but worth a stab.
Stay spooked!
Sean
Posted by: Grandma Bear, January 22nd, 2023, 7:11pm; Reply: 2
Excellent! It's improving by leaps and bounds already! 8) That's why I love this place. Our members are the best.
Did I mention I have a cool poster to go with it too? ;)
Posted by: steven8, January 23rd, 2023, 1:03am; Reply: 3
Also too long, but I'm still looking at it.
When a young couple, infatuated with fictional horror, attempt to live out their fantasy by renovating an old murder house for B&B weekends-of-dread, their dream quickly turns into a nightmare when their cat's Pet-Cam captures real supernatural occurrences.
A poster is always a good thing!
Another take: Fictional horror becomes real life terror when a cat's Pet-Cam reveals supernatural entities in a murder house turned B&B by a young couple preoccupied with dark thoughts.
Take 3 and I'm off to bed: Fictional horror becomes real life terror when a Pet-Cam reveals actual supernatural entities in a murder house turned B&B by a young couple obsessed with the world of Stephen King.
Posted by: eldave1, January 23rd, 2023, 12:13pm; Reply: 4
I like all the suggestions offered above. I'll add one more to the mix:
After a young couple installs a pet cam, they discover their lives are at risk from a sinister force haunting their horror-themed bed and breakfast.
Posted by: kcranford, January 23rd, 2023, 1:07pm; Reply: 5
I like all the suggestions offered above. I'll add one more to the mix:
After a young couple installs a pet cam, they discover their lives are at risk from a sinister force haunting their horror-themed bed and breakfast. |
Dave, you remain the "logline guru". That one is awesome!
Posted by: eldave1, January 23rd, 2023, 1:28pm; Reply: 6
Dave, you remain the "logline guru". That one is awesome!
|
Thanks!
Posted by: Zombie Sean, January 23rd, 2023, 3:22pm; Reply: 7
Excellent! It's improving by leaps and bounds already! 8) That's why I love this place. Our members are the best.
Did I mention I have a cool poster to go with it too? ;) |
;D :K) 8)
Posted by: steven8, January 24th, 2023, 2:27am; Reply: 8
Dave's is better distilled, but I have one last entry:
When a young couple's pet-cam reveals an evil entity haunting their horror-themed bed and breakfast, their dream venture becomes their worst nightmare.
Posted by: Grandma Bear, January 24th, 2023, 7:31am; Reply: 9
You guys are the best! I like a lot of your suggestions. Going to see if I can combine them somehow. I should mention that the house is not haunted. There's actually a real killer in the house. ;)
Posted by: eldave1, January 24th, 2023, 2:13pm; Reply: 10
You guys are the best! I like a lot of your suggestions. Going to see if I can combine them somehow. I should mention that the house is not haunted. There's actually a real killer in the house. ;) |
One last stab
After a young couple installs a pet cam, they discover their lives are at risk from a real killer stalking them in their haunted house-themed bed and breakfast.
Posted by: Reef Dreamer, January 24th, 2023, 3:41pm; Reply: 11
Hiya
haven't popped in for a long while but couldn't resist a longline challenge - and thats despite being really, really awful a them. Proved, I may say, in multiple competitions.
Anyway here's a throw of the dice, for the LOLs...
short
"Proud of their new horror themed b&b, a young couple's comfortable future is quickly threatened by unexplained images on a pet cam".
longer
"Proud of their new horror themed b&b, a young couple's comfortable future is quickly threatened by unexplained images on a pet cam dating back to a previous murder"
hey ho, have fun with them all, and well done for writing.
Posted by: steven8, January 24th, 2023, 7:09pm; Reply: 12
When a young couple's pet-cam reveals a dark intruder in their horror-themed bed and breakfast, their dream venture becomes their worst nightmare.
Posted by: kcranford, January 24th, 2023, 8:30pm; Reply: 13
When a young couple's pet-cam reveals a dark intruder in their horror-themed bed and breakfast, their dream venture becomes their worst nightmare. |
Oh wow! I like this one too. Lots of creative ideas on this theme.
Posted by: eldave1, January 24th, 2023, 8:50pm; Reply: 14
I like Reef's and Steve's suggestions as well.
Posted by: steven8, January 25th, 2023, 3:57am; Reply: 15
I love loglines and trying to write them. Lots of good possibilities in this one!
Posted by: Grandma Bear, January 25th, 2023, 7:13pm; Reply: 16
Thank you all! :)
I saved all the suggestions, but I think I'm going with this one since it best describes the script itself.
"A young, horror-obsessed couple convert an abandoned murder house into a supposedly haunted bed and breakfast, but find that something sinister resides within when their cat's pet-cam begins to capture strange happenings."
8)
Posted by: Grandma Bear, January 25th, 2023, 7:15pm; Reply: 17
I love loglines and trying to write them. Lots of good possibilities in this one! |
I totally suck at writing them. You'd think after all these years I would have a clue how to do it, but... :D ::)
Posted by: eldave1, January 25th, 2023, 8:21pm; Reply: 18
Thank you all! :)
I saved all the suggestions, but I think I'm going with this one since it best describes the script itself.
"A young, horror-obsessed couple convert an abandoned murder house into a supposedly haunted bed and breakfast, but find that something sinister resides within when their cat's pet-cam begins to capture strange happenings."
8) |
That works
Posted by: steven8, January 25th, 2023, 8:46pm; Reply: 19
Posted by: Reef Dreamer, January 26th, 2023, 7:13am; Reply: 20
Lovely work
Not sure how the script is crafted but i love the idea of their love/passion - horror - backfiring and coming to haunt them. Scares are all ok if there’s no risk or truth etc
Also, is it their cat, or one that turns up - quite like the ‘taking in a stray’ angle. Why is there? What has it seen? Why does it survive etc?
Best of luck, you have been a master at the contained low budget script before
Posted by: Grandma Bear, January 26th, 2023, 7:15pm; Reply: 21
Hi Bill! Long time no see.
I was so happy to read your comment and then I started getting feedback on the script in question and apparently it sucks. ;D Well, at least the second half.
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