Quoted from ColinS I thought this was a very admirable effort. I think it's a difficult sell on paper, Tom and Jerry - almost solely relies on a visual narrative, and I had no problem following yours, so good job. I feel it's also a great exercise in action writing so that should bode well for you going forward. Whilst your action writing is good, I thought there were areas where it could have been trimmed a little, to get the narrative flowing that little bit quicker. Perhaps like the below passage -- "Slowly his eyes reduce to normal size. He reaches down with both paws and physically pulls his jaw back into place. His jaw sets like granite, His bewildered eyes turn to fiery anger." It is necessary? Or perhaps it could be trimmed down somewhat? Anyway, just a little gripe for what was an astute piece of work. I did use to love Tom and Jerry - you reminded me of this scene where Tom (whilst chasing Jerry), inadvertently whacks Spike the bulldog over the head with a Mallet. Spike gives Tom the death stare as a massively over-the-top LUMP protrudes out of his head, sparking Tom out, to the amusement of Jerry. It was so funny, wish I had it recorded! |