Getaway by Matthew Mosley  - Thriller - After a bank robbery leaves a woman shot and the stashed getaway car turns up STOLEN, five theives quickly begin turning on each other and things start spiralling out of control.  100 pages - pdf format

production: Shoestring budget British crime thriller set in real-time.

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Any feedback on this script at the moment?

Quoted from A.dunbar Any feedback on this script at the moment?

Unless you're the writer asking this question, you could read it and provide some feedback yourself.
That's what this site is all about, getting involved, & quid pro quo. :)

I'm reading it now.  I will have comments when I am finished.  

I am also reading I Love You, I hate You. I would like to leave comments for that, but the link takes me here.
Does that author want comments?

Oddly enough, I read the logline after I read the script. I didn't know what to expect. Even in the absence of a soundtrack, this hit the ground running. I could feel tension right away.

I loved the opening banter. It added depth to the characters and their relationship to each other. My favorite line came from Danny's entrance: Why is everyone in the back? Has this cunt farted?

I had a strong idea about how it was going to end about halfway through but enough ambiguity remained about exactly how it would end kept me on the edge of my seat. Overall, I liked it.

However, I do have a couple of suggestions:

You start off on bad footing at the very beginning. Your first slug line is: INT. CAR - DAY and your first action line is "Inside a parked car." Unless you want to impress the employees of The Department of Redundancy Department you should re-think your opening. I would suggest:
The morning light is accompanied by the sounds of birds, far-off traffic and wind.

Also, you need to give this a few more read-throughs. There are several typos. For instance, on P. 32, Danny could see where the woman was shot. I think you meant to say he couldn't. On P's 69, 70 and 84, Rhod is called Rhos. On the bottom of P. 5, "...they crew continues to drive."  There are other typos for you to find.

One other typo that I saw was the word Miss (as a title) followed by a period.  I know that Mr. and Mrs. and Ms. have periods. I don't think that Miss has one. I could be wrong.

Quoted from D.A.Banaszak I'm reading it now.  I will have comments when I am finished.   I am also reading I Love You, I hate You. I would like to leave comments for that, but the link takes me here. Does that author want comments?

Where is the link to I Love You, Hate You, if you're reading it?
Can you clarify please?

The link to the store is here:

https://www.simplyscripts.com/scripts/ILYIHY.pdf

It is listed on the Original Unproduced scripts page for this week under Getaway. It's a drama.
When I click on the link to comment on "I Love You, I Hate You", it takes me here to comment on "Getaway".

My apologies for being unclear.

Thank you for letting us know, I'll let Don know and hopefully the link to the script can be fixed. :)

Quoted from D.A.Banaszak The link to the store is here: https://www.simplyscripts.com/scripts/ILYIHY.pdf It is listed on the Original Unproduced scripts page for this week under Getaway. It's a drama. When I click on the link to comment on "I Love You, I Hate You", it takes me here to comment on "Getaway". My apologies for being unclear.

Thanks for the heads up and apologies for the confusion.  I Love You, I Hate You thread can be found here: https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1676078243/

- Don