Hi al!

So Mark Moore, Mike Kospiah and myself finished a script and looking for a little feedback on the logline. Basically this…

A married man, 14 yo son and baby on the way, takes a job in a small town as new Sheriff. Kinda thinks it’ll be quiet and he could live out his life peacefully. However, he’s also dealing with an infidelity and a controversial shooting of a young child back in the city years ago.

First day on the job in this quiet town is a murder. Or a suicide. They’re not sure. As things go on, our sheriff discovers an underground satanic abortion ring run by a devilish woman that could tear his family apart.

I have a few we’re working on, but would love to hear some opinions. Thanks!

Steve

After taking a cake job as a small town Sheriff, he finds himself caught in the middle of his sketchy past and the discovery of an underground Satanic abortion ring.

Congrats to you three!
A collaboration of two is hard enough.

Steve, there appears to be a lot of ideas here but this seems to be the key plot - underground satanic abortion ring run by a devilish woman that could tear his family apart.

Murder/suicide connected to it? But also a shooting of a child in the city years ago? But we're now in a small town, right?
Dealing with the fallout of his wife's infidelity (presumably) leads me to guess she might be pregnant (to the other guy) and unwittingly be prey to the abortion ring?

This sounds like something I'd enjoy reading/watching but I'm trying to put all the strands together for a Logline.
If Michael's involved I'm guessing this is very dark.

P.S. 'Cake job'
Lots of slang meanings when I looked this up. Does it just mean a cruisy job?

P.S. Is this a Thriller or Horror?

Quoted from LC Congrats to you three! A collaboration of two is hard enough. Steve, there appears to be a lot of ideas here but this seems to be the key plot - underground satanic abortion ring run by a devilish woman that could tear his family apart. Murder/suicide connected to it? But also a shooting of a child in the city years ago? But we're now in a small town, right? Dealing with the fallout of his wife's infidelity (presumably) leads me to guess she might be pregnant (to the other guy) and unwittingly be prey to the abortion ring? This sounds like something I'd enjoy reading/watching but I'm trying to put all the strands together for a Logline. If Michael's involved I'm guessing this is very dark. P.S. 'Cake job' Lots of slang meanings when I looked this up. Does it just mean a cruisy job? P.S. Is this a Thriller or Horror?

Hi Libby

This is a script 10 years in the making :D

I wrote it initially, but it could have been better. I brought Steve on(for the talented writer that he is), and we battled back and forth over ideas for the next 4 years :D

We could never get a good ending, so we finally suggested bringing Mike on board to help with the end... Which he did :)

It then lay around for another year until I decided to pick it up again last weekend and re-edit.

So there you have it :D

I uploaded it last night to SS.

It is a Thriller/Horror, and yes, it is very dark.

When a family man attempts to escape the horrors of city life by taking the position of sheriff in a small, quiet town, he soon finds the idyllic facade is merely covering an underbelly so dark it threatens to tear all he holds dear to pieces.

Quoted from steven8 When a family man attempts to escape the horrors of city life by taking the position of sheriff in a small, quiet town, he soon finds the idyllic facade is merely covering an underbelly so dark it threatens to tear all he holds dear to pieces.

Bingo for me!

The new Sheriff in town, hoping for a better life for his family, find that life isn't always better on the other side of the fence. His past isn't letting go, and their future proves a satanic cult that is far too interested in his wife's pregnancy.

Quoted from eldave1 Bingo for me!

Thanks, Dave!   8)

Quoted from steven8 When a family man attempts to escape the horrors of city life by taking the position of sheriff in a small, quiet town, he soon finds the idyllic facade is merely covering an underbelly so dark it threatens to tear all he holds dear to pieces.

Yup. That is a good one. Thanks Steve

I suck at loglines, but just wanted to say congrats on finishing a script together!!! Best of luck with it.  8)

Quoted from LC Congrats to you three! A collaboration of two is hard enough. Steve, there appears to be a lot of ideas here but this seems to be the key plot - underground satanic abortion ring run by a devilish woman that could tear his family apart. Murder/suicide connected to it? But also a shooting of a child in the city years ago? But we're now in a small town, right? Dealing with the fallout of his wife's infidelity (presumably) leads me to guess she might be pregnant (to the other guy) and unwittingly be prey to the abortion ring? This sounds like something I'd enjoy reading/watching but I'm trying to put all the strands together for a Logline. If Michael's involved I'm guessing this is very dark. P.S. 'Cake job' Lots of slang meanings when I looked this up. Does it just mean a cruisy job? P.S. Is this a Thriller or Horror?

You’re pretty much spot on, Libby, save for the infidelity. It was the husband who cheated, and yea, his wife’s unborn child will be a target.

Quoted from SAC Yup. That is a good one. Thanks Steve

You're welcome!

Two questions for you:

Is the wife noticeably pregnant when they move to this small town, and was the 'now Sheriff' a city cop in the past?

Quoted from libby Two questions for you: Is the wife noticeably pregnant when they move to this small town, and was the 'now Sheriff' a city cop in the past?

Yes and yes  :)

When a big city cop accepts a small town sheriff post to remove his family from the everyday horrors of urban violence, he finds the apple pie promise of a quiet life hides an underbelly so dark it threatens to destroy all he holds dear.

Okay guys, my suggestions to play around with:

When a disgraced/or, burnt out/or just city cop takes a job as Sheriff in a small town he and his pregnant wife are plunged into a hellish nightmare when they are targeted by a satanic cult leader and have to fight not only for their own lives but also for the life of their unborn child.

When a burned out city cop takes a job as Sheriff in a quiet country town he unwittingly sets himself and his pregnant wife on a collision course with a satanic cult leader, and they find themselves in a desperate fight for their lives.

In a desperate bid to fix his broken marriage and repair his professional reputation a disgraced city cop takes a job as Sheriff in a quiet town, unknowingly setting himself and his family on a collision course with pure evil.

Really looking forward to reading this!

P.S. I think your title could be scarier. The Followers kinda reminds me of a Western, but that might just be me.

Thanks for all the help, guys. I’m sure we’ll use some form Of the loglines presented here. Mark sent the s riot out for coverage and it got some pretty high marks so we’re pretty stoked as well. We’ll see.