Hi all, I'm looking for feedback on this pilot that I have written for an animated series.
Logline: A young farmhand undertakes a quest with his most hated enemy across the land to warn his uncle of a terrifying new threat to their way of life. The King.
I would appreciate feedback on the following:
My main focus for feedback:
Do I have a clear conflict?
Does my main character have a character arc? Are my characters compelling? (Not sure how possible this is in a short)
How can I add more subtext as I feel what I have written is quite on the nose?
Are there any animated scripts you suggest looking at? I struggled to find many to help with character descriptions?
As this is a pilot, I wanted to emphasise that some of the main themes for the series were: wanting freedom, being a parent and struggling with your child (And vice versa) , forgiveness, revenge, people pleasing and validation. Do you think these were present in the pilot?
I am hoping to cut to the 20/23 minute mark - are there any parts which were particularly uninteresting?
Here is a link to the script:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1wXVPVCrX__5Dv2sCPWfuaxVe2h7ajSWO/view?usp=sharing