Do I Amuse You? by Daniel Israel - Comedy - Do I Amuse You? is a feature length screenplay filled with comedy sketches. From cultural differences to first date etiquette and from politicians can't be trusted to tourists traps. 89 pages - pdf format

New writer interested in feedback on this work, please be nice :)

This was an interesting read.  I liked the idea of stacking a collection of shorts to make a feature. One of my favorite films, “Creepshow” is like that. I think it would have worked better if there was a thread between the shorts like in the film “The Illustrated Man”.

I liked some of the stories. Some of the others, not so much.  The characters were well defined. The dialog was somewhat dry and forced, giving it a rather theatrical tone. As I read the piece, I felt more like I was watching a stage play rather than a film. This is not a criticism, just an impression.

My favorite character was Geoff, the Commissioner in “Road Rage”. I could visualize him played by John Cleese.

My favorite conversation was between Del and Kassia in “First Date Etiquette” where she announces that it’s not going to work out, dictates what she is going to eat for dinner and dessert, and that she is going to call a cab afterward.

I do have some advice to give.

For starters, your margins are all wrong and inconsistent. They should be:
1.5” from the left
1” from the right.
Dialog should be 1.5” in from the left and right margins.

Pay closer attention to the “Show, don’t tell” rule. Character descriptions should be things we can see, like “Short” or “With a rumpled look that screams “Goodwill Outlet Store”, (my favorite BTW). They should not be things we cannot see like “Hothead” or Psychotic” or “Shy”. Those things have to be explained through dialog where someone talks about them, or action where they act psychotic or shy.

In the future, you should post your shorts individually to increase your chances of getting things read and receive feedback.

The best advice I could give would be to read the other scripts on this site. Many scripts have format problems, so you need to read quite a few to get an idea of the proper format and style of a script. Also, go to the comments for those scripts. The advice some people give is golden. Then, see if you can find a script written by a reviewer and read it. It’s how I learned. I am still learning.