The Fog in the Sky That Clouded my eyes from the Sun by Nighter FireHeart - Short, Sci Fi, Fantasy -  Monsters terrorize. Cloud conducts a secret plan to turn them human. His family are monsters, but they don’t know. Will his secrecy be the key to humanity’s survival or the final nail in the coffin. 58 pages - pdf format

New writer interested in feedback on this work, please be nice :)

I read this. It was a tough read but I got through it and I think I understand it. There were some elements I liked that I would like to mention before discussing what is wrong.

I liked the title. It drew me to read the story. I liked the original names. The Monsters and their struggles with Humans, how they change shape in the day and night, the concept of being defensive versus being offensive reminded me of some Native American folklore. The Monsters, not knowing they were Monsters because they couldn’t see themselves seemed to be a kind of social commentary. Many people in our society don’t know they are monsters.

I liked the happy ending. I think I understand the message the story tried to send. I normally don’t like camera direction, but sometimes it works. I liked the way the story title appeared at the end.

Now on to some of the problems…   I won’t address them all but I will address some of the bigger ones.

Page size:  I don’t know why you formatted this for 5.83”x 8.27”. It’s possible that you formatted it to print on the only size paper you have easy access to. However, it needs to be 8.5”x11”. A PDF can be scaled to fit on whatever size screen you have after you set the page size correctly.

I get the impression you typed this on a word processor.  If you were to switch to a software package dedicated to writing scripts, it would format your page size, font, margins and indents for you.  It would also set your page numbering and your title page correctly. Otherwise you will have to look up these things and set them yourself. A program called WriterDuet is the first thing that comes to mind. It will work on an Apple computer which is what I think you are using. The software is free. You have nothing to lose. You have a lot to learn and I think switching software packages will help. There are other free packages available if you do a search online.

If you take a look at just about anybody else’s scripts, you will see that your format is way off. Following the correct format is important. Most people will not read a script that doesn’t follow the standard format.  I was drawn in by the title. However, your non-standard format along with punctuation errors made this difficult for me to read. I had trouble figuring out what was happening at various points in the story. Fixing the format will make it easier to find other problems. Learning to write scripts is a journey. Very few people start a journey at the destination. You have a ways to go. I think you will get there.