Hi there
I enjoyed the read. Some nice concise visual writing for to me to tuck into.
At first, I wasn't sure if the transgender element was gonna play a part but it did in the end - However, I wasn't entirely sure whether it was male to female or vice versa but I think Lou was female to male, but the name is fairly gender-neutral so I couldn't quite confirm, let me know if I missed something obvious.
Like the dialogue, but quite expletive at times - that said I was in a pub last night and that's pretty much all I heard :) Just the use of the word "dude" by the psycho - most of the talk sounded London/British so "dude" didn't quite fit for me, but then again, he is a psycho :)
Also, feel there were a few parenthetical's that you didn't need --
Quoted Text PSYCHO
(Angrily)
...What’d you mean, you thieving
cunt! I fuckin’ know I’ve come
to the right place! I traced the
phone to this address. |
It was obvious by the language that he was pissed, so I would only use them when the dialogue doesn't sell the manner that they're spoken in.
Anyway, other than those nitpicks, enjoyed the read. Good work.