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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Short Drama Scripts  /  James: Forbidden Child
Posted by: Don, June 12th, 2023, 4:28pm
James: Forbidden Child by Sean Scully - Short, Drama - {no logline} 3 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Posted by: Stoneyscripts, June 19th, 2023, 12:03pm; Reply: 1
This for me was a strange little narrative.

Slugline: Jame's Bedroom. You have James'

What is this disturbing drawing? Show don't tell.

You tell us that the doctors count 1 2 3. Once again Show this with dialogue.

I believe all Priests carry a crucifix.

100 years later should be written as a slugline. And 600 years also.

I never really got the gist of what was going on with this boy, aprt from the disturbing drawing I never saw any reason to  subdue him.

You tell us everything but nothing.

Keep writing and good luck.

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