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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board / Short Drama Scripts / James: Forbidden Child
Posted by: Don, June 12th, 2023, 4:28pm
James: Forbidden Child by Sean Scully - Short, Drama - {no logline} 3 pages - pdf format
Writer interested in feedback on this work
Posted by: Stoneyscripts, June 19th, 2023, 12:03pm; Reply: 1
This for me was a strange little narrative.
Slugline: Jame's Bedroom. You have James'
What is this disturbing drawing? Show don't tell.
You tell us that the doctors count 1 2 3. Once again Show this with dialogue.
I believe all Priests carry a crucifix.
100 years later should be written as a slugline. And 600 years also.
I never really got the gist of what was going on with this boy, aprt from the disturbing drawing I never saw any reason to subdue him.
You tell us everything but nothing.
Keep writing and good luck.
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