Pleasure of the Flesh by Hanif Lawson - Short, Horror - During a romantic candlelit dinner, a vampire struggles to resist drinking her date's blood. 13 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Overall this was great!

The dialogue flowed, the scenes were easy to visualize, and it told a story.

There were only a few issues I had:

1. Page 1. When Leo bangs on the door it makes the tone of the story feel aggressive when really he's just knocking to check on Selene. I'd change the "bangs" to "knocks".
   
2. Page 1. I couldn't tell the tone of the story, and even after reading it all, I'm still not sure if it's a comedy, a drama, a horror...? If you chose one of these and really focused on sticking to it, the story would be much better.
   
3. Page 9. Leo stabs her with a fork but she pulls a knife out. I'd stick with the fork. A knife could do too much damage.
   
4. Page 9. Leo should jab a few pressure points to get Selene to drop. Just one simple spot on the neck seems to easy and could just be luck. But if he jabs her neck then two spots under her armpit, or some other combination, it would show that he's doing this intentionally and thus, somehow knows how to stun a vampire with his bare hands.
   

I enjoyed this quick fun read.

Thank you.