... On a couple of loglines. Have new drafts of both of these features completed and ready to share. Very confident in both scripts, but not so much in the loglines. Any thoughts or suggestions?

The Potem -- When a heinous cult mistakenly summons an ancient fiend under a blood moon, a group of nearby hikers must band together with an estranged man if they hope to escape the woods with their lives.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre -- While on a road trip to visit a family gravesite, a rebellious teen and her quirky brood encounter a rural clan who've developed dark and cynical values.

Any feedback at all is much appreciated. :)

I wouldn't change this one:

The Potem -- When a heinous cult mistakenly summons an ancient fiend under a blood moon, a group of nearby hikers must band together with an estranged man if they hope to escape the woods with their lives.

...but this one doesn't have an end goal.  It's more or less a summary.  I'm assuming the rebellious teen and her quirky brood find themselves trying to get out of the story alive?

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre -- While on a road trip to visit a family gravesite, a rebellious teen and her quirky brood encounter a rural clan who've developed dark and cynical values.

Maybe: When a rebellious teen and her quirky brood encounter a dark and cynical rural clan on a road trip to visit a family grave site, they must overcome all their eccentricities to escape with their lives.

Assuming that is the end goal.

Hello, Zack!

The Potem -- When a heinous cult mistakenly summons an ancient fiend under a blood moon, a group of nearby hikers must band together with an estranged man if they hope to escape the woods with their lives.

Estranged doesn't fit imo, unless he was known to the group of hikers previously. Estranged usually relates to an established closeness/relationship and then separation.

Who is the 'man' and how do they come upon him?
I think the whole thing could be more powerful.

P.S. I looked it up but still can't get to grips with what potem means. :Later in time / afterwards'.

This cult — what’s their deal? Are they worthy of the title heinous? What do they do exactly to warrant the definition heinous? Anyway…

When a heinous cult unwittingly summons an ancient fiend, a group of nearby hikers must band together with a mysterious stranger if they hope to escape with their lives.

Something like that. I think blood moon is just too much. I mean, as loglines go, who cares if it’s a blood moon or not? :)

Quoted from steven8 ...but this one doesn't have an end goal.  It's more or less a summary.  I'm assuming the rebellious teen and her quirky brood find themselves trying to get out of the story alive? The Texas Chainsaw Massacre -- While on a road trip to visit a family gravesite, a rebellious teen and her quirky brood encounter a rural clan who've developed dark and cynical values. Maybe: When a rebellious teen and her quirky brood encounter a dark and cynical rural clan on a road trip to visit a family grave site, they must overcome all their eccentricities to escape with their lives. Assuming that is the end goal.

Thanks, Steven. I think you are on the right track there. Appreciate your help. :)

Quoted from LC Hello, Zack! The Potem -- When a heinous cult mistakenly summons an ancient fiend under a blood moon, a group of nearby hikers must band together with an estranged man if they hope to escape the woods with their lives. Estranged doesn't fit imo, unless he was known to the group of hikers previously. Estranged usually relates to an established closeness/relationship and then separation. Who is the 'man' and how do they come upon him? I think the whole thing could be more powerful. P.S. I looked it up but still can't get to grips with what potem means. :Later in time / afterwards'.

Agreed that estranged doesn't quite grab you. He's estranged from the cult, has family ties to them. I like Steven's suggestion of using mysterious stranger instead of estranged man. Though, maybe mysterious and stranger are a little redundant? Maybe eccentric stranger?

As for WHAT the Potem is... It's a complicated ritual I made up out of thin air for this story. :)

Quoted from SAC This cult — what’s their deal? Are they worthy of the title heinous? What do they do exactly to warrant the definition heinous? Anyway… When a heinous cult unwittingly summons an ancient fiend, a group of nearby hikers must band together with a mysterious stranger if they hope to escape with their lives. Something like that. I think blood moon is just too much. I mean, as loglines go, who cares if it’s a blood moon or not? :)

The cult's heinous nature is revealed within the first 15 pages of the screenplay. Trust me.  ;D

The blood moon is very important and prevalent in the plot, but maybe you are right. How important is that to the logline? Thanks for the help.

Quoted from Zack Thanks, Steven. I think you are on the right track there. Appreciate your help. :)

No probs.  Good luck with the script!!