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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board / Short Sci Fi and Fantasy Scripts / G.I.S. (Global Internet shutdown)
Posted by: Don, September 26th, 2023, 9:45am
G.I.S. (Global Internet shutdown) by Bernard Mersier - Short, Sci Fi, Fantasy - As humanity comes to a violent end, one person stands on a skyscraper watching, explaining why the apocalypse is taking place. 2 pages - pdf format
Writer interested in feedback on this work
Posted by: bert, September 26th, 2023, 3:08pm; Reply: 1
Rather than a super-long monologue entirely in VO, consider introducing a minor character.
Somebody that Delusion can be speaking with, breaking things up with a bit of back-and-forth, maybe even asking a few questions along the way.
Delusion can still say the same stuff, and the late reveal can stay the same, but another character, perhaps even a confused child, could give this more heft.
Posted by: James A McCormick, October 13th, 2023, 11:48am; Reply: 2
I liked the ending. I though it might work better if Delusion were standing atop a cathedral, talking to a stone gargoyle perhaps- as it is there seems no need for a monologue. I also wondered how this could be "filmable" with so much chaos and destruction going on below (TV clips perhaps, like M. Night Shyamalan does).
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