Little Mossads by Frank J Dellipoala - Thriller - Teen brothers from Sderot, Israel survive a rocket attack, then are thrust into the world of Mossad. Sent to Iran they uncover an imminent nuclear threat against Tel Aviv. 105 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hi Frank.

I've just finished reading your very informative and well drafted screenplay. You obviously know your genre and I would like to congratulate you on that. I thought your characters were memorable and authentic. Your insight into military matters shows you either have background knowledge or your research was impeccable. However what makes this screenplay stand out for me is  not only the plots, but dramatic build up and tension you created to steer your  narrative to its conclusion.

I thoroughly enjoyed this from start to finish.

Obviously there are always going to be some nitpicks, it goes with the territory.

So I just thought some of the earlier dialogue was off piste. By this I mean the dialogue betwixt the boys a little overstated and unrealistic. I would break this down to almost mono syllabic replies, since they find themselves in truly traumatic circumstances with the missile attack on the bakery.

Also some of the action scenes were also overstated and occasionally you drift into prose.
Just show, not tell the story. And use POV'S, instead of telling us what you see. It's what your characters see that is important.

Overall I loved this  piece of work and I wish you all the best in getting this made into a feature film. Maybe follow up with a treatment so you have the full package ready to pitch to somebody like Netflix.

Good day Shakespeare on Toast,

Appreciate your review. I'm looking closer at your notes, and at early dialogue between the main characters. In my rewrite I will look over my action scenes and adjust.

Thanks for your words,

FJD

Frank I just watched your trailer for Little Mossads on Miavia and I must say it is brilliant. I really hope somebody takes this project and runs with it. I think this screenplay is special and relevant with everything that's going on over there.

I have also requested a trailer with my screenplay TWO MOONS. Hopefully it will be completed soon. Can't wait to see what they do with it.

Good luck buddy.

Shakespeare on Toast,

Thanks for your sincere comments on Little Mossads.

Regarding Mea Via Studios, they seem to be able to create a great visual representation of your screenplay, especially for the nominal cost. This will help interested parties want to search deeper into the material.
I'll watch out for your new trailer.

I read your synopsis on Two Moons from Mea Via Studios. I've always had an interest in the lives of people who are in the middle of serious conflict. I am searching for your screenplay on Simply Scripts, when I find, I will read it.

Best to you,

Frank J Dellipoala

Hey John (Shakespeare on Toast),

Went through your new trailer for TWO MOONS. Excellent, very visual, draws you in. Mea Via Studios seems to be able to tell the story in under 60 seconds. I believe this will be a great advantage for searchers/buyers of screenplays to get a quick idea what you have to offer.

Best results to you.

Frank Dellipoala

Excellent.

Many thanks and good luck.

Frank and John, I actually went to the site and watched both these trailers.  Frank, I also watched yours for "Terrible Tilly".  Wow - they are all impressive.  The content seems to be AI generated and narrated, but the finished product seems professionally done.  Still can't believe they will produce something of this level for $20 - but who am I to look a gift horse in the mouth?

Great stuff guys, hope you find success through your scripts and trailers posted on the Mea Via site!  And yes, I'm tempted!

I contacted them and you don't have to post your script there. The trailer is still $20. I'm going to give it a shot with Pet-Cam and if it turns out okay, I'll give Desert Tears a try as well.  :)