The Bigger The Storm by John Stone - Series, Thriller - Detective Kiki Carruthers escapes a prison sentence after she is vindicated. She rejoins the Force only to be faced with a complicated hit-and-run scenario that leaves her devastated. 63 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

I think this used to be The Bigger the Storm. I remember the courtroom scene and the tragic, sad ending. This followed The Pearl Earring.  I didn’t see any big changes other than the title. Still, it‘s a cool story and a fine episode of the Kiki Carruthers series.

I think I found a typo in the lower-middle of page 47. In Carruthers’ dialog, she tells Shane that she thinks that the hit-and-run victim, Hakam Mahmood may be “connected your wife.” I think you meant “Connected TO your wife.” Since it's dialog, it's possible detective speaks that way and it is not a typo. I thought I would try to be helpful and bring it to your attention.

Yes this has been updated Michael. I have rectified the ptyo. He he....

Many thanks Don.

Have notified Don.
FYI, you can always hit the Report button to advise. Top right corner. :)

You’re a Star thanks.

Quoted from Stoneyscripts I have rectified the ptyo.

This is the way.

I read through this and compared it to the last draft. I like the changes in that they add more depth to the characters. In particular, I love that instead of Dog cutting Milan’s leg with a knife, he bites Milan’s ear off. Yeti and Dog are not people to mess with and this clarifies the point. It also makes Dev Bakshi seem even more tough with what HE did.

On page 18, the dialog between Kris and Dog seems a little strange. Kris asks for news about Detective Kiki. Dog replies that she is out of the country. Kris explains that he knows this and explains that she will be returning back next week. It seems odd that Kris would ask a question that he already knows the answer to and then some. Perhaps the conversation should begin with Kris explaining where Kiki is and, when she will be back. Either that or Dog knows and explains it to Kris.

I like how Shelley is back into the picture as a new side plot takes shape. It will be interesting to see how Kiki uses her position and skills to get her out of prison. Will Shelley make an appearance in the third episode, “Before She Died”?

Quoted from D.A.Banaszak I read through this and compared it to the last draft. I like the changes in that they add more depth to the characters. In particular, I love that instead of Dog cutting Milan’s leg with a knife, he bites Milan’s ear off. Yeti and Dog are not people to mess with and this clarifies the point. It also makes Dev Bakshi seem even more tough with what HE did. On page 18, the dialog between Kris and Dog seems a little strange. Kris asks for news about Detective Kiki. Dog replies that she is out of the country. Kris explains that he knows this and explains that she will be returning back next week. It seems odd that Kris would ask a question that he already knows the answer to and then some. Perhaps the conversation should begin with Kris explaining where Kiki is and, when she will be back. Either that or Dog knows and explains it to Kris. I like how Shelley is back into the picture as a new side plot takes shape. It will be interesting to see how Kiki uses her position and skills to get her out of prison. Will Shelley make an appearance in the third episode, “Before She Died”?

Thanks Michael. I will look at that convo again regarding Kris and Dog. I think you are right and should’ve realised that. I’m so glad you enjoyed the update to this one. I’ve been working with this and The Pearl Earring to add continuity and more depth and character building. I appreciate your input immensely and go back and see what’s what. Cheers.