The Note by Chris Beadnell - Short, Drama, No Dialogue - You may be down and out but you can rise again. Just follow the note. - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

So this is kinda like a good karma, pay it forward chain-letter.
Chain letters are evil imho. No good deed goes unpunished.

The Angry Guy scene was a little bit underwhelming as a denouement and I was left a little muddled with what exactly went on there.

Chris, this is nice drama but my mind kept wandering to this setup being perfect for Horror.
I'd go that route if I were you.

Thanks for the read and feedback Libby I really appreciate it!

I had two aims for this script:

1. To write an essentially no dialogue script
2. Something that would be easily filmable

With 1). I  agree the final scene lacks something and it is screaming for dialogue. As it stands it probably needs the Angry Guy to give something else up rather other than simply road rage (why would she give the note to someone just for being a jerk?)

With 2). I am going to film it! Have a mate who we both did a Premiere Pro course with recently, a DSLR and some OK audio equipment, so we've decided to give it a crack :-)

I too can see how this could be the bones of a decent horror story, but brevity was a key factor when thinking about tackling a production.  

Thanks so much !

hey Chris,

Interesting, I don't believe I've read a script with no dialogue before. Pretty cool.

A nice short Drama, but the ending didn't quite do it for me. The Angry Guy broke the "chain", was killed.
It kind of fell flat. I would've like to see more tension/build-up between Anna and Angry Guy, before he broke.
the chain. Another logical question is, why would Anna give the note to him in the first place?

I read your response to LC, looks like you're gonna film it yourself with a friend.

I'm not going into formatting too much, but keep in mind that in Action, a character name is only capped when first introduced. Also, don't repeat in Action what's stated in your slug line.

Good luck with the filming.

Frank

Thanks so much Frank for the read and feedback !

I'm re-writing for filming and am taking the points on board, from yourself and Libby.

The no dialogue was also a challenge for me to focus on storytelling just through action and showing emotion. I gave myself a similar challenge a few years back in writing a few one page scripts. An aid to help develop different aspects of the craft.

Formatting points also noted, cheers.

Thanks again.

Chris