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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board / Short Comedy Scripts / Christmas At The Piggly Wiggly
Posted by: Don, December 17th, 2023, 4:18pm
Christmas At The Piggly Wiggly by Kathy Cranford - Short, Comedy - A white Christmas isn’t magical in the South; it’s terrifying and always leads to a fight at the Piggly Wiggly. 6 pages - pdf format
Writer interested in feedback on this work
Posted by: D.A.Banaszak, December 17th, 2023, 6:32pm; Reply: 1
This was pretty funny. I liked the Cheeto diet reference. I think I'll try that.
The final lines from police officer #2 were quite appropriate.
While I realize this story is a comic exaggeration, there are super markets in the greater NY and Long Island area where it's not too far off. It was on Long Island where a Walmart employee was trampled on Black Friday.
I shop like that when news of a storm hits the airwaves. I often don't need anything. I just shop out of peer pressure and in an attempt to fit in with my community
Posted by: kcranford, December 17th, 2023, 7:41pm; Reply: 2
Thank you so much for the read, Michael (D. A. ). I literally formulated this from a meme I saw on Facebook this morning. I live in the Southern U. S. so this definitely hit home with me. I just had an idea and sat down and wrote this in an hour this afternoon (flaws and all). Just a quickie to hopefully bring a chuckle and wish a Merry Christmas to all my friends here at Simply Scripts. Happy Holidays everyone!
Posted by: LC, December 17th, 2023, 7:58pm; Reply: 3
A delightful read, Kathy!
The dog got everything he wanted for Christmas, except maybe a ham from the Deli.
I too want to try the Cheeto diet. :)
* Merry Christmas & Happy New Year to you too, Kathy. :)
Posted by: kcranford, December 17th, 2023, 8:29pm; Reply: 4
A delightful read, Kathy! The dog got everything he wanted for Christmas, except maybe a ham from the Deli.
I too want to try the Cheeto diet. :) |
LOL, my New Year’s resolution is to commit to the Cheeto diet! Thanks for the read, Libby. Wishing you a Merry Christmas, dear friend. :)
Posted by: Stoneyscripts, December 18th, 2023, 11:36am; Reply: 5
What better way to read something slap sticky hilarious. The Piggly Wiggly I love. I imagined the whole scene and the cream pie for dessert was an awesome ending taboot. Great!
Posted by: kcranford, December 18th, 2023, 6:54pm; Reply: 6
What better way to read something slap sticky hilarious. The Piggly Wiggly I love. I imagined the whole scene and the cream pie for dessert was an awesome ending taboot. Great! |
Thank you so much, John! I’m not a big comedy writer but this struck home with me. And what slapstick comedy is complete without a pie to someone’s face? Glad it gave you a laugh. Merry Christmas!
Posted by: ghost and_ghostie gal, December 18th, 2023, 10:32pm; Reply: 7
"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die." --Mel Brooks
Ahoy Kathy --OK, this is wild slapstick comedy so obviously it plays better when you see it in motion. I like to read comedy quickly, to check out the pacing, and this was pretty good in that respect. So I found this mildly amusing, but after giving it a go twice -- this doesn't need slapstick to carry it. If that makes sense.
Oh, luv me some lemon meringue pie. Um, maybe I'll do that this Christmas and skip the pumpkin. :)
Anywaz, a nice little story you crafted. Merry Christmas... :)-Andrea
Posted by: kcranford, December 19th, 2023, 9:28am; Reply: 8
Thank you, Andrea! Glad it brought you a holiday chuckle. And you go ahead and enjoy your Lemon Meringue pie despite what those two hateful women said about it LOL. Merry Christmas!
Posted by: FrankH, January 24th, 2024, 8:00pm; Reply: 9
Hi Kathy,
Amazing what 1/2 inch of snow can turn into.
A funny short. You got a knack for storytelling.
To clean it up a little, I would suggest mini-slugs for large chunks of Action (ex: p3) or include
a few paragraphs. Ease up on some of the capped words in Action and remove some redundancy (ex: TWO
MIDDLE AGED WOMEN --- name and age are sufficient)).
I enjoyed the story. A few chuckles.
Good luck
Frank
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