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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Comedy Scripts  /  Bark If She's A Keeper
Posted by: Don, February 18th, 2024, 8:04pm
Bark If She's A Keeper by Brian Orvik - Comedy - Matt has always had trouble with women. Then his mother gives him a dog, Lucky. The dog seems to know which girls are right for Matt. Can Lucky find Matt's "true love" before the "wrong girl" kills him? 96 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Posted by: Pablo66, February 28th, 2024, 5:06am; Reply: 1
To start with Lotts of action with one liner dialogue.
Needs scene lines like 2 years later, 4 years later etc.

Matt is in the sixth grade now, he is twelve.  He has his first girlfriend, Tammy. Then you go into action script repeating this.
Matt runs all the way home.  He is crying. Repeat in action.

His mother, a nurse AND She's dressed as a nurse.

But up to page 4 and it doesn’t feel like a comedy. More like a tragic story of a single parent family with a troubled child.
Posted by: brianorvik, March 2nd, 2024, 10:42pm; Reply: 2
Thanks for reading my script. I appreciate the input.  ;)
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