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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Review My Logline  /  WaterFalls feature film LogLine
Posted by: avlewis.smith, March 18th, 2024, 8:06pm
WaterFalls

The reading of a cursed authentic book causes the rise of a mysterious disease and serial
murders.
Posted by: LC, March 18th, 2024, 8:47pm; Reply: 1
Sounds intriguing but a little incomplete as is. It's missing a protagonist and his/her/their involvement to stop what's going on, plus urgency of stakes.

Does the disease lead to the murderous activity?

You don't need 'authentic' - in addition to 'cursed' which is sufficient. I would say a bit more story or mythology where the book is concerned would add to your teaser as well.

P.S. The title - does Waterfalls have meaning?
Posted by: avlewis.smith, March 18th, 2024, 9:38pm; Reply: 2
Modified LogLine for WaterFalls feature film:

Jody Lewis, a teenage girl who has objected her fathers criminal activity, turns to a Preacher friend who gives her an authentic book. The reading of this book leads to mysterious events and deaths which causes a city-wide panic!
Posted by: LC, March 18th, 2024, 11:19pm; Reply: 3
Teenage girl as your protagonist - yep. Character names in loglines are not generally used unless they're iconic well known characters - Bond, Reacher, Bridget Jones for example.

Given what occurs in your plot 'cursed' is way more powerful than 'authentic' (authentic to what?) in relation to the book.

What kind of Preacher is giving out a book that if read can turn its reader into a killer? Has he been defrocked or disgraced?

This version brings up a lot of questions so that the pieces of your whole are a bit puzzling, including I can only assume there might also be a connection with using her newfound power from the book to take down the mob?
Posted by: avlewis.smith, March 19th, 2024, 12:37pm; Reply: 4
Teenage girl who objects her fathers criminal activity, turns to a friend whom gives her a cursed book discovered decades ago. However, reading this book causes many mysterious events and unexplainable deaths leading to a city wide panic of fear!
Posted by: AnthonyCawood, March 19th, 2024, 12:58pm; Reply: 5
Here's an alternative version...

After discovering her father's criminal undertakings, a troubled teenager turns to a friend for comfort, only to be accidnetally given a cursed book that unleashes a wave of terror throughout the city.

BUT this is stull missing the key component of what the protagonist then does.

So a fuller version might be....

After discovering her father's criminal undertakings, a troubled teenager turns to her friend for comfort, only to be accidentally given a cursed book that unleashes a wave of terror throughout the city. She must battle her fears and unlock the book's mysteries to save her city and protect those she loves.

That sort of idea...
Posted by: avlewis.smith, March 19th, 2024, 7:59pm; Reply: 6
If I didn't know any better, I would think you have already read my script...that was a great idea for logline, do you mind if I use it?
Posted by: AnthonyCawood, March 20th, 2024, 6:22am; Reply: 7
Ha, and of course, please feel free to use and tweak away.
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