A pushover falls into the snare of a vexatious litigant who deceives him to commit crimes against unsuspected victims.

Hey, Sam! The logline sounds interesting. It has an intrigue as to what the crimes are and the trap created for the innocent. Hope to read the script soon!

Sidenote: Are you planning to write a short or a feature?

Feature. Is my cup of tea.

This overall sounds confusing to me. A pushover? That's a character trait, but who is the character? What is the pushover's role/job? How is he connected to the litigant? Genre?

Genre: Thriller, black comedy, crime

Not sure how much I want to divulge about the character (don't want drag the log line)-- but I should look at different approaches. Maybe some other way to reveal who they are.

hmm good remark about the role/job, I can for sure build on that. which brings me to your next point.
I'll flesh out the connection to the litigant. They basically have a servant/master relationship.

Not sure how much I want to divulge...

Sam, you definitely do want to divulge. You want me to pick this movie to watch (or in this case, read), and now is not the time to be coy or expect me to be a mind-reader. If this is all you give me, it's likely I'll move onto something else. You need to give me more than clues, and actually state what your story is about.

I would call it The Pushover btw. Title adds to logline.

Little Miss Sunshine
A family determined to get their young daughter into the finals of a beauty pageant take a cross-country trip in their VW bus.

Seven
Two detectives, a rookie and a veteran, hunt a serial killer who uses the seven deadly sins as his motives.

The Hangover
A Las Vegas-set comedy centered around three groomsmen who lose their about-to-be-wed buddy during their drunken misadventures then must retrace their steps in order to find him.

With all of those examples I have a darned good idea what I'm getting.

https://screencraft.org/blog/101-best-movie-loglines-screenwriters-can-learn-from/

This is your chance to sell your concept.
Don't make it a mystery.

P.S. I didn't get the latest draft of your script.

Touché. Right back to the drawing board. Will be taking my time with it.

Also I sent you the script, let me know if you don't get it. Pdf attached to the email.

The only thing I would add is that divulging what your script is about precludes mentioning any twist.

"A pushover who recently graduated yearns to become a stud, receives guidance from a mentor… However, the mentor's intention are to lure him into subservience to commit their vexatious litigations."

Not sure if this answers the "role/job" as the character doesn't have a job or role that it important key point other than him being in a gap year.

Nope, you're still being vague and tending to complicated things with fancy words.
So, he's just graduated school, college? Okay, but then that's not relevant. The significant thing is he's taking a gap year.
Has he gone overseas? Is the mentor teaching him the art of seduction but conning him in the process?

Is your Antagonist a lawyer, a con-artist?
... lure him into subservience to commit their vexatious litigations." This is where my imagination has to take over to fill in the gaps... when this is your job.

See how straight forward these loglines are.

The Hustle
Two con women - one low rent and the other high class - team up to take down the men who have wronged them.

Crazy Stupid Love
Cal, a middle-aged man, is heartbroken when his wife asks for a divorce. However, to get over his loss, he starts picking up women at a bar on the insistence of his new-found friend, Jacob.

Your logline should not be a guessing game.
Trying to help btw...

I love the feedback! And yeah no the moment I wrote it I knew the line was just dancing around fancy to avoid the problem. I think getting these bad logline out simply creates questions. These questions you ask open the door for the thinking process . The more questions you ask the more I dig into what needs to be said vs what I'm trying to say.

No such thing as ruthless if it actionable.


A young man takes a gap year to focus on his physical appearance, in the hopes of being desirable. He's taken under the wing of a mentor who wants to show him the way. However, the mentor is a con-artirst who deceives him into a scheme of vexatious litigation.

Heaps better!
Getting there.

I'd still find an alternative for vexatious litigation.
What is that all about?

"....who deceives him into a scheme of vexatious litigation."

What does this mean, practically? I mean I know what vexatious litigation means, but what is the scheme and who is the victim? If he being mentored in how to conduct a scheme via 'vexatious litigation', therefore the protagonist is the scammer, or is his mentor vexatious litigating the protagonist? In either case, what is the mechanism of the scheme? What does the vexatious litigant - whoever it happens to be - achieve via it?

Your starting place -- taking a gap year to focus on his looks (????? no clue what that entails, but I think is unintentionally funny) -- seems divorced from the complicating factors (the scheme).

Also, 'vexatious litigant' is a phrase a lot of people would need to google to understand and I think once you put readers in a place of even slight confusion it's too much of an opportunity for interest to be lost.

Go back to:

[Adjective] [protagonist] wants to [achieve goal], but [antagonist or oppositional force] does [bad thing] that forces [protag] to [go through a journey/fight something/do something interesting]".

Yeah I think I'm getting there. My Logline I'm working on runs too long at the moment. Will get cooking.

Thank you both for bringing up vexatious litigation. I think I just wanted that in their cause I knew what it ment to the story. Defining that would benefit the log line.

Thanks Been around for your questions! I made some changes and trying different things.

I'm not a fan of the whole input words. It doesn't work for me personally but blocks me from creating something.

EDIT: Forgot to mention, there is a hint at comedy there that's intended. The genre is Thriller - sub genre Dark Comedy/Crime