I've put together a few log lines for a feature I've written - any hit the mark?
Would appreciate any feedback.

"After a heavy knock at football practice, a disillusioned high schooler starts having flashbacks of a previous life. "

"A disconnected high schooler gets caught between love and war when he starts having flashbacks of a previous life."

"A shy young man experiences true love against the horrors of war when he starts having visions of a previous life and finds himself trying to reunite a long-lost promise."

"A shy young man struggles to come to terms with visions of love and war from a previous life but this soon sets him on a journey to uphold a long-lost promise."

Cheers

Colin

I like both Numbers 1 and 2.  Sounds like an interesting premise.  Hope you decide to post here when it's ready.

Oh, I will Kathy - this one might be your cup of tea :)

Thanks for the feedback!

Colin, I like number 1.

Variation:
When a concussion knocks him unconscious during football practice a disillusioned teen starts having flashbacks to another life.

And now a question: is he transported to this other life?
Either way, what are the stakes? That's missing from the logline imho. I like what I read so far though.

Variation on 'uphold a long-lost promise' -  fulfill a long-lost promise, maybe?

Colin,

I like the 2nd and 3rd.  

Not saying mine is good, but  I took a shot at it. Lol.

After an accident, a high school introvert experiences anamnesis that forces him to confront love and war from a promise made in a previous life.

All the best!

Thanks, LC for taking a look. Totally down with your variation on the 1st log line!

He doesn't get transported, these visions come in the form of dreams, so he is actually unconscious when he gets the heavy knock at football. These dreams surpass ordinary experiences, offering a profound lucidity akin to foreign memories, leading him to consider the possibility of them being remnants of a prior existence.

The stakes is tricky for the log line as they primarily exist in the previous life as it is set during the First World War. So I just wonder whether the log line is best kept simple like the first two.
Hmmmm.

Fulfill, yeah fulfill is better :)

Hey Kevin,

Really like what you've come up with for the more detailed log line!

The use of the words introvert and anamnesis are strong and to the point.

I'd happily use what you've done if I go for the kinda extended version. Knowing my story (lol), I would just change "from a promise made in a previous life" to "and a promise made in a previous life"

thanks again, a lot a better than my third log line version :)

I deleted it yesterday cause I really didn't want to be appearing to rain on Kevin's parade.

Colin, you should not use the technically correct term (anamnesis) in your logline. People will not know what it means.

Quoted from LC I deleted it yesterday cause I really didn't want to be appearing to rain on Kevin's parade. Colin, you should not use the technically correct term (anamnesis) in your logline. People will not know what it means.

LC,

I thought you had a change of heart and it grew on you. Lol.  You don't have to worry about raining on my parade.  I looked the word up and thought it sounded good.   I didn't know it off the top of my head.
You're a great writer and I always welcome your thoughts for or against anything I say.    Especially with someone else's work.  The last thing I want is to lead someone down the wrong path or give bad advice.

All the best!

Quoted from Kevin_S. LC, I thought you had a change of heart and it grew on you. Lol.  You don't have to worry about raining on my parade.  I looked the word up and thought it sounded good.   I didn't know it off the top of my head. You're a great writer and I always welcome your thoughts for or against anything I say.    Especially with someone else's work.  The last thing I want is to lead someone down the wrong path or give bad advice. All the best!

Thanks, Kev. :) I don't like to just throw out - this is wrong, you can't do that etc. You can pretty much do what you like. The idea is though that your logline be as appealing as possible to a broad section of people. You want to sell an idea that people identify with.

Your idea to seek out the exact term was good in principle. Most of us will instantly know a word like amnesia, for example. And there are a few successful movies with amnesia in the logline. But throw a specialist term that very few people know, you run the risk of "wth does that mean?"