The Accidental Stuntman by Brian Orvik - Comedy - This is "The Accidental Stuntman" comedy screenplay- Jimmy Joe Payne is a not so bright Texas pig rancher. When he finds out his mother needs an expensive operation, he decides to go to Hollywood and be a movie star to make the money. Instead of becoming a movie star, a dishonest stunt agent convinces him to be a stuntman. Jimmy Joe has to do crazy dangerous stunts like: bull fighting, wrestling an alligator, jumping cars with a motorcycle, fighting a kangaroo,and more. What he doesn't know is his stunt agent boss is trying to kill him for the insurance money. Meanwhile, Jimmy Joe finds romance with a hot associate producer he meets. She tries to get him real movie actor roles. Can Jimmy Joe get the girl and the money for his mother's operation before he dies?  103 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

This was a slow read but worth it. In the right mindset, it’s pretty funny in a Ricky Bobby, Joe Dirt kind of way. There were some pretty funny scenes and lines. I really liked this.

You used Movie Magic Screenwriter to write this, so I know you are dedicated and probably a professional.

The only problem with format is that you introduce characters with a generic name and then change it when someone calls them by their real name. For instance, Jimmy Joe sits at a table with his BEST FRIEND and has a conversation. After a few dialog entries, Jimmy Joe calls him Alex and from then on, the best friend is ALEX. I’m not a fan of this method of introducing characters. I found it confusing. At first I thought the best friend had left and Alex had sat down. It took me a couple of passes to get it right. The same thing with the two cowboys and for that matter, Larry and Bob the announcers. There’s nothing wrong with giving characters a proper introduction to make things clear for slow minds like mine. However, you are consistent with this so I guess this is your style.

I would like to share some of my favorite scenes and lines as well as help by pointing out any typos.

These are some of my favorite scenes and lines:
On page 36 when Dexter and Jimmy Joe are about to be shot with arrows and fall out of a tree, Dexter asks Jimmy Joe, “Have you ever did a fall before?”. Jimmy Joe answers, “Not intentionally.”

On Page 55, Jimmy Joe slides down a rope at almost freefall speed. At the bottom of his descent, his hands and crotch are smoldering from friction burns. That brought out the schadenfreude in me.

On page 75 the re-takes of the Karate fight scene killed me. If I didn’t have Schadenfreude before, I have it now. That was hysterical.

Typos:
Page 6: Alex: Call me if you know where I’m.  (I think you meant “where I’m at”)
Page 17: Jimmy Joe: I’m glad to meet you. And you too mame. (I think it’s ma’am)
Page 21: Colonel Barker: A lot of stars change there names. (Their names)
Page 31 (at the very bottom): Jimmy Joe: Memorize things. That reads better as a question.
Page 49 and other places: Damn is spelled dam. This may be a deliberate misspelling and I respect that. I had trouble writing cusses when I started writing scripts.
Page 55 When Jimmy Joe falls out of the tree, he lays their in pain.  (lays there in pain)
Page 56 (bottom): When Jimmy Joe battles the bear, some people are rutting for the bear. (rooting)
Page 63 (top): Jimmy Joe slides throw the mud. (through the mud)
Page 71: Turrets Syndrome (Tourette’s syndrome)

On page 80, I have a suggested change. Director6 liked that Jimmy Joe defeated the bull. He says, “That’s an even better ending.” I would end that sentence with an exclamation point. I think extra enthusiasm is needed there.

Last but not least, I think the log line is too long. It’s almost a synopsis. I think that could be a turn-off for a producer. I don’t have a suggestion to fix it. It just feels like it’s too long and that it could be re-composed down to something that makes its sales pitch in a few lines.

I liked that the ending is not drawn out. I think the story ends well in a Happy Gilmore kind of way.

D.A. thanks for taking the time to read my screenplay. I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for the  input. I will work on the screenplay, especially the logline. Thanks, Brian