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Wow, surreal little script. Well written but it seems to have gotten out of the control of the author as there was all this different stuff going on lol.
Was the Stephen King novella Apt Pupil a vague influence here? The spoon thing is pretty cool as a result of the solar flares (I had planned to use them as the cause of the apocalypse in mine but didn't lol) and I guess the girl is some type of spiritual figure.
I don't care that there's not a Peacock Springs in Ohio. I'm guessing this is probably fiction. How do I know the once thriving small town exhausted it’s funds? But I do want an explanation for why there is a Nazi in this fictional town. “…parades a perfectly timed death march” I’m having trouble picturing that. What’s going on? A little inconsistency on Cathy’s magnetic qualities. Why doesn’t she stick to the car? Bucky shoots the shotgun and a bullet comes out. I would think buckshot would hit both Cathy and Karl. I’m not sure how we’re going to be able to tell the difference between the bullet changing course and Bucky just being a bad shot. I suppose camera angle would take care of that. Why does the bullet striking Cathy cause all the metal on her body to fly off of? Is Bucky wounded from all that metal flying around too? Why does Cathy have sympathy for Karl? I was ready for a comedy when I learned about the toaster on Cathy’s shoulder. The comedy didn’t happen. By the end of the story it was unclear to me why a lot of things happened. I really kind of liked it. I just need clarification on a number of things.
P4 lots of characters so far and scenes are not connected in an understandable way yet
Death march all alone?? Possibly you mean goose step/lockstep marching…
P6 Up to now, this still reads as a row of erratic scenarios.
Okaaay,
I completely haven't understood the suicide of Papa. Secondly: Why did Bucky visit the house of a girl named Emily? That simply irritates if it has no further meaning for the story. Lastly, where did Karl come from (hell) and why he and Cathy got those abilities? In this regard the good vs evil concept just isn't 100% developed.
Especially, the scene when Bucky visits Emily needs to get cut completely IMO.
Fanciful story. There is also some gripping action in your climax. However, the script, as a whole picture, is slightly irritating. There are too many individual pieces that don't fit together by now. Still, an ambitious effort and surely a solid piece of work for one week.
I'm pretty sure a spoon wouldn't keep a bullet to the head from killing an 8 year old. Unless she's got super powers beyond being a magnet.
This started really promising. It had some interesting ideas and seemed to have good pace. I thought it knew what it was doing, but those ideas just didn't connect. It's like I watched the last scene of a movie that started two hours ago.
The Magician Of Peacock Springs - Apocalypse, Drama, Thriller - A Nazi war criminal has unleashed the Apocalypse, and mankind's only hope resides within an eight-year-old girl who can stick spoons to her face.
Rating: 3 Thoughts: I don't know why but this made me laugh. It was just so unexpected. I'm not saying it's the most sensical idea of the bunch. But it's definitely one of the most original.
TITLE: Magician of Peacock Springs
STORY
Concept is fresh/and or original - 3
Theme is well executed/interweaved - 2
Stakes are clear/conflict is strong and or compelling - 1
Story - 2
Ending - 1
CHARACTER/DIALOGUE
Protagonist(s) is (are) likable and/or compelling - 1
Dialogue reads naturally/believable within this story - 1
Pages: 
Author
The Magician of Peacock Springs - OWC
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A girl that can stick spoons to her face??? WTF like this. 
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