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Search Results - Recent posts as of less than a minute ago
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Showing 1 - 30 (11204 results found)
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Snackula - OWC   (reply) Posted by: ChrisBodily
Date Posted: Yesterday, 11:03pm
"Just because I snack and I'm Dracula, that makes me Snackula?"

First off, your first page is numbered page 2. It shouldn't be numbered at all. What program are you using?

"chance o[f] survival."


Quoted Text
WOMAN
All you have to do is to feed on us.


All you have to do is feed on us
A minute
Just take... your time
The clock... is ticking
So feed on us
All you have to do is stay

(If you don't get the joke, Zedd and Alessia Cara have a new song called "Stay.")

That line of dialogue is a bit too long and OTN anyway.


Quoted Text
MICHAEL
Your wife should be able [to] walk on
her own, itís just a bite. Sheíll
turn in a little while.
...

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1 (100.00%)
For Honey or Gold - OWC   (reply) Posted by: khamanna
Date Posted: Yesterday, 10:54pm
So I see that not many people read this one and its just two writers going back and forth which gives us an impression that this one got enough reads.

Anyway, I liked the idea and the script. Thought that the ending was undone, actually totally missed why the queen bee and what changes if he finds her. Also if its so important why he couldnt find it earlier - she did land on his arm at the end...

I wish you described Jack. Carl is described, not Jack and he's your main character.
Cool script, nice idea.
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Play Dead - OWC   (reply) Posted by: LC
Date Posted: Yesterday, 10:32pm
Yes! Put Mum in the picture.

Far more heart wrenching.
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For Honey or Gold - OWC   (reply) Posted by: StevenClark
Date Posted: Yesterday, 9:48pm
Dan - maybe I'm wrong but where do you see any trees in this script? There's plants growing in the facility, but I don't recall a mention of trees. And by the way, according to Bee Keeping For Dummies, hives with no queens have options and it's not a given that the hive is doomed, hence a queen does appear at the end of this.

Stephen King has a lot of people doing research for him, and he always notes that he takes certain liberties with the facts of the research, then bends them to suit the needs of the story. Just a matter of opinion here. If it didn't work for you that's cool. Apples and oranges. And thanks for schooling me on suspension of disbelief. Never heard of that one.
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Play Dead - OWC   (reply) Posted by: Ryan1
Date Posted: Yesterday, 9:35pm
It's been stated many times before, but the undead genre is about as fresh as a zombie's underpants.  The script read quickly and easily, but just about everything in the story I'd seen before in Walking Dead.  Virus spreading like wildfire.  Covering yourself with zombie guts to walk unnoticed.  Hiding from psycho survivors.  

One gruesomely nice touch was Trapper Hat joining in the feast on the fat guy's body.

The down ending was a good idea, but detailing the son's age would have been a way to show the passage of time.  I was confused how long Trapper Hat had been out there alone.

Why is a "Middle Aged Survivor" with the son and not the Wife? ...

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Glitch  - OWC   (reply) Posted by: DarrenJamesSeeley
Date Posted: Yesterday, 9:23pm
Aside from the Matric'y graphics and huge non-courier font on the title page, the script started out okay even though that title page antic usually hoists a red flag for me most of the time. I was wondering why one character was named Seven and until she walks by Moya, I didn't know Seven was a she. Her name is Seven, because there are other characters with number names as she soon will discover, although nobody else other than her and Three have such names. Go figure.

I never got into this, even though I wanted to. The biggest problem for me was the dialogue. A lot of time characters who are so monotone would finish each others thoughts and sentences, by The Wizard Of Oz it was now ticking me off. If that was enough
for ...

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Folly - OWC   (reply) Posted by: StevenClark
Date Posted: Yesterday, 9:23pm
Writer,

WTF?? This had some funny moments - liked the Beavers slapping their tails, and the urinating wolverines. Couple minor typos but nothing that cruelly took me out of the story. Oh yeah - like God as the blue dot and hi-pitched voice Jeff. Other than that - meh. Not bad. Was a good bit of fun, but I think this could have been a lot funnier. This is the kind of script where, I feel, you could've gone totally batshit crazy and made this ridiculously funny. As is, it's actually a little tame. Could've done better, but it was cute.

Steve
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Folly - OWC   (reply) Posted by: hawkeye
Date Posted: Yesterday, 9:21pm
God damn wolverines.  Always stirring up trouble.

It was a fun little romp, I'll say. A few typos here and there, nothing of major note.  I think the aside about Trump, no matter how you feel about the election, doesn't belong in a script, and I'm no Trump supporter.

The story itself was a bit absurd, in a good way, I guess. God as a beaver?  I guess that's one way to end it. At least he wasn't a wolverine.  I'm not sure it all made perfect sense, but frankly, I didn't care.  I just had some fun reading it.  I'm guessing this one will be a wild hit and miss across the readers. Either you'll get it or you won't.

Good luck!
Gary
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The Prophetic Angel - OWC   (reply) Posted by: EWall433
Date Posted: Yesterday, 9:03pm
As I read on I became unsure whether the prologue was really necessary.

I like that you've given Edward a specific goal of having to get through doorways, but it still seemed unclear exactly what was expected to happen when he got through them.

"DOCTOR
Iím sorry Mrs Birch, I will need to
ask legals for guidance"

Is he really unclear about whether or not he has to respect the medical decisions of a ten-year old? I know this was to give Claire more time, but it's not convincing.

I don't think the dementia treatment angle added much. How does it explain the connection between Edward and Claire? I'd also be interested to hear the rationale for how this is an apocalypse story. For the time being, I'...

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A Toast, To Armageddon - OWC   (reply) Posted by: Michael
Date Posted: Yesterday, 8:37pm
Don't know how the ravonettes are a character I sure was sick of them.  The whole thing doesn't work for me.
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For It Is Written - OWC   (reply) Posted by: hawkeye
Date Posted: Yesterday, 8:34pm
Well, this is interesting, I guess.  I didn't get the title and how it worked with the story. The typos made it a difficult read. And there wasn't much to the story.  I mean the couple goes underwater and when they come back up everyone's dead.  There's no setup, there's no revelation, there's just "A, then B, then C."  I just didn't find it interesting enough. Sorry. Hope others feel differently.

Best of luck,
Gary
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Play Dead - OWC   (reply) Posted by: Michael
Date Posted: Yesterday, 8:15pm
I never liked a lot of narration, but as I kept reading I liked it.  Good story, Very ironic at the end.  Aint life a bitch..
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Everyone Has Their Own Demons - OWC   (reply) Posted by: Michael
Date Posted: Yesterday, 8:04pm
I liked this one.  It's funny and I can relate to it.  ( I have 20 minutes sober )  Kidding..

Good story, and I did like the ending.
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The Prophetic Angel - OWC   (reply) Posted by: Wes
Date Posted: Yesterday, 7:40pm
So there are people being grabbed off the streets for a drug trial. Edward is a ďControl SampleĒ. To me that would mean that he didnít get the drug. So Edward is in a coma from a drug he didnít take.  Then the psychic conversation with his daughter begins . . .
Am I getting this right?
Looks like there are folks here who feel this is a good start. So, that's nice.
I'm afraid I can't get through it.
Best of luck.
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Lost Apocrypha - OWC   (reply) Posted by: Wes
Date Posted: Yesterday, 7:22pm
I think this works very well.  Flows smoothly. Has a couple of nice twists.
I did think Stryker was a bit wordy at the beginning but we got through the exposition pretty quickly and efficiently.
Very nice work.
This is one of my top two
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Flashback within a Flashback Posted by: JakeJon
Date Posted: Yesterday, 7:12pm
Simply Scripts Formatting Police:  Help!

My second Act is a Giant Flashback.  Dangerous , I know.  Inside of this Flashback, I want to

Flashback brief conversations that occurred earlier in the  Flashback.  Memory visions, perhaps?

Do I handle each "mini" Flashback the normal way.  Flashback, End of Flashback, Back To ??

Sorry if you're confused but I'll take anything here.   Thanks

JakeJon
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Lost Apocrypha - OWC   (reply) Posted by: AnthonyCawood
Date Posted: Yesterday, 6:59pm
I liked the period detail in this and wondered where it was going... but I was hoping for something else... the move into demonology just didn't fly for me...

Well written though and a fun spin on the challenge.
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The Prophetic Angel - OWC   (reply) Posted by: AnthonyCawood
Date Posted: Yesterday, 6:28pm
I think with some work this could make for a very effective drama that really tugs on the heart strings... but...

I think it could be shortened and tightened, I had to re-read sequences a couple of times to double check where I was.

And there's nothing apocalyptic here, so would have to rule out on those grounds.
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Project: Beatitude - OWC   (reply) Posted by: stevemiles
Date Posted: Yesterday, 6:14pm
Had to look up the title - my sunday schooling was limited...  I like the logline - irreversible coma is an interesting take on the challenge and with a unwilling hero at the centre of it all.  Keen to see how this plays out...

Felt like you were building up to something with all the set-up.  Unfortunately (for me) this was too big an idea crammed into a single showdown scene.  It leaves you scrabbling to explain everything through the dialogue, capped with a deus ex machina ending with the Baku Tapir magic T-shirt.  Lots of imagination on display, just too much too late.

The coma/nightmare concept wasnít bad - maybe one to come back to.  Not sure where the title real...

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Everyone Has Their Own Demons - OWC   (reply) Posted by: stevemiles
Date Posted: Yesterday, 6:08pm
Titleís a bit of a mouthful, but the logline works for me.  An alcoholic seeking refuge in a bar during the end of the world...

Sign on the community centre door made me chuckle - sets the tone out of the gate.

I liked where you were going with this with all the disparate characters; though you lost me a little with the appearance of Luke.  I was hoping this would be a little more grounded - but thatís my take.  Figures Lucifer would be a hipster...

Do you still have to hide in the bathroom to do coke in the apocalypse?  Maybe a force of habitÖ

Wouldnít the Devil try to trick John into drinking rather than straight up physically forcing him?  Isnít that part of h...

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Play Dead - OWC   (reply) Posted by: stevemiles
Date Posted: Yesterday, 5:57pm
Title works with the logline - sounds like an entertaining idea.  Iím inÖ  Zombies can work as long as thereís something fresh.  The Walking Dead have kind of made it a tough gig but...  

Nicely written - world feels grounded and Ďrealí with a story that pulls me along.  As a W.D fan, itís hard for me to see past the whole Ďblending iní angle; but despite that I actually liked where you took it.  Iím not sure I quite get the logic of Trapper Hat partaking in the eating - a step too far?  Other than that thereís a certain irony to the situation that carries this to a satisfying payoff.
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Folly - OWC   (reply) Posted by: stevemiles
Date Posted: Yesterday, 5:48pm
Logline didnít grab my attention - a drama centered around a discussion about an apocalypse..? Gives me reservations going in...

Apologies to the writer, but this was not for me.    Parody in places shifting to surrealism in others with some political swipes thrown in.  Tonally itís not my kind of humour.  Iíd prefer something to ground it - a character or concept that I can relate to - some anchor point.  This bounced around from one place to another to the extent I couldnít take anything from it.
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A Toast, To Armageddon - OWC   (reply) Posted by: hawkeye
Date Posted: Yesterday, 4:09pm
Overall, a well-written story, probably one of the best ones I've read so far.  I'm a little puzzled at the ending, whether they're hallucinating, but I can't believe that's the case, because they both wouldn't be hallucinating the same things, I'm guessing, just like I'm speculating that he's killing people because he's looney toons.

My biggest concern is that no one (NO ONE!) knows a massive meteor is coming to destroy the earth.  I've seen this in maybe three scripts so far, and it's just a real stretch for me to buy into that plot device.

If I had one quibble with the story (other than the ending) is the use of the Ravenettes' song, as I don't know how much it added to the story.  I think it ...

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A Toast, To Armageddon - OWC   (reply) Posted by: Nomad
Date Posted: Yesterday, 3:28pm
I like it.

A little mystery.  Who done it.  Who's crazy.  Who's not.

My only gripe is with the Ravonettes.  I'm not a Ravonettes fan so I'm not familiar with the song.
I feel I would have appreciated this more if it were a song I knew.

It's as if I said, "You have to drive the PADS from the OS to the EOL in a straight line but make sure you Z-Val before you do."  If you don't know anything about field artillery survey, this won't make any sense.

And...I didn't feel the dialogue was done as well as it could have been.  It was acceptable, but a little too on-the-nose.

The way I see it:  John was an astronomer who had knowledge...

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Project: Beatitude - OWC   (reply) Posted by: hawkeye
Date Posted: Yesterday, 3:10pm
I was on board with this until the ending, which completely went over my head, but it sounds like an adult version of Monsters, Inc. gone bad.  I'm just not sure exactly what happened, other than Billy finally stood up to the bad guy.  That's the most I got out of it.

So writing wise, it was fine, I guess it played into the apocalypse theme, but I would give serious consideration to changing that ending in a future re-write so others will be able to follow.

Still a good effort until the ending.

Best,
Gary
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Project: Beatitude - OWC   (reply) Posted by: Wes
Date Posted: Yesterday, 2:17pm
Okay, Iím gonna have to admit that I had to look up ďBeatitudeĒ. Now I get the title.
Billyís character is well established.
Dialogue is good.
I was really enjoying the story.
Then the tapir, inexplicably, obnoxiously, jumps off of Billyís shirt.
Nice work. Just a really convenient end.
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Lost Apocrypha - OWC   (reply) Posted by: Ryan1
Date Posted: Yesterday, 1:58pm

Quoted from DanC


As far as I know, they were a real colony that just vanished one night.  And I think they found one word etched on a tree which was Croatia.  No one knows what happened to them or what the word means.


If my history is correct, a resupply ship arrived at Roanoke Island to find the colony abandoned.  "CROATOAN" was carved into a fence post.  That's the name of a nearby island but also the name of a local Indian tribe.  No one knows for certain what became of the colonists, but the most common theory was that they simply left for a better location or were slaughtered by the Indians.
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Project: Beatitude - OWC   (reply) Posted by: Cam Gray
Date Posted: Yesterday, 1:54pm
Hey writer,

Absolutely nuts! The writing was pretty good, the story built and built until WHAM! Crazy spirit/monster madness!

This sort of script isn't really my thing. I can appreciate the build up and craft involved in piecing this together, but the story was never going to absorb me when the crazy surreal horror started.

That's not to say this is a bad script, not at all, it just didn't do it for me but I know some others will really dig it.

Regardless, well done,

Cam
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Play Dead - OWC   (reply) Posted by: JEStaats
Date Posted: Yesterday, 1:54pm
I almost quit reading with the V.O. until I realized that it wasn't just a narrator. Maybe if that was made clear earlier, it wouldn't have distracted me so much. Agree that the backstory of how it all came to be could be shortened or lost all together. And agree that the son's dialog at the end could be lessened for more impact.

All in all, liked it. Good work!
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script shadow - short script comp   (reply) Posted by: MarkRenshaw
Date Posted: Yesterday, 1:50pm
Yeah me too, I just assumed I hadn't won but then thought, How do I know? lol
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Showing 1 - 30 (11204 results found)


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