Hi Don,

Cheers mate. I'd never even thought of the legal requirements, dim as I am with the licensing side of things.

I've just stuck up a message on the facebook page Kevin added me to, so hopefully I'll get some interest off some of the acting community and then I can take it forward and find that script to use.

Fingers crossed!

Cam

The found of footsteps on a stone floor.

At a table - Claw´s father and one of his brothers. The
other brother pours himself wine at a sideboard. This is
AUKE (26). Their father stops laughing.

FLASHBACK, EIGHT YEARS AGO. EXT. AT A RIVERSIDE - DAY

Younger Claw sitting on a grass covered riverbank. In the
background, a forest. Claw looks at his feet

I wouldn't worry too much about them being students. You might be surprised at what they can do.

I had a bit of a betting war going on with Two Psychos. I ended up giving permission to film it to a filmmaker in Georgia (the country). I gave a student permission to film it as her project for some media class. I told her she was welcome to use it, but she could not show it to anyone outside of her school since the guy in Georgia had big plans for his film. Well, as it turned out, her version was great and it won the local film festival. She was dying to enter it to other film festival because it came out great, but because I'd told her she could not do that, nor post it online (I can't even show it to my friends. It's under p

GARRETT
Good...it’s a damn shame really.
Now I want you to open the window,
and throw both of the bodies out
into the swimming pool.

A couple of stools away, a very attractive BRUNETTE in her
mid-20s looks at him with an inviting glance. She has no
drinks in front of her.

THE WOMAN
(friendly)
I'm STELLA. Nice meeting you.
ANTHONY
Stella eh, you've a beautiful name.
STELLA
Thanks, it's Italian for STAR.
ANTHONY
Are you Italian?
STELLA
My parents are...I was born in
BROOKLYN.

ANTHONY
Uhm...they are ro

ANTHONY
Uhm...they are romantic.
STELLA
Are you a romantic man?
ANTHONY
...Uhm...yes, I guess...I watch all
the soaps on TV.
STELLA
Real romantic...do you find them
sexy?...I mean, the Italian women.

ANTHONY
I bring messages to his business<

I found the premise very interesting. Really like some of the small quirky stuff like the different eye colors. I did have a couple of nitty issues:



I think should be:

EXT. RESIDENTIAL STREET - NIGHT

Robert walks down a street that is lined with cars parked
against the sidewalk.

SUPERIMPOSE: SIX MONTHS LATER

i.e, you have to be Superimposing over something - hence, putting a little description before the SUPER.

I liked the style for the most part other than one not issue. You use an opening "The" or There" in a lot of spots where they aren't really needed. Examples:



Why not just:

A MAN at the front door welcomes people as they enter.

Hey Steven,

Interesting little one this. I see you mentioning feature in your reply above, and I guess that's what I was feeling reading it.

There's some good stuff in there, but a lot more exposition is probably needed to really explain it to the full. I like the idea about the eye colour being a factor of survival, that was a random quirk, and even though he's a seemingly minor character, I liked Russell.

You've got quite a "choppy" writing style (hope that makes sense). This normally throws me off, but it didn't bother me here, so I guess that's a good thing as it didn't detract from the overall work as I feared it would when I first started reading.

My only little niggle would be Rob

Haha, that's the passion we need right there Don! Sweet as, right I'll start to figure it all out then.

Any idea of a script or anyone who'd be up for lending one?

EXT.WOODS - DAY

Allen takes of the mans mask. He then immediately gabs his

OPERATOR (V.O.)
Yes Fast-Paintball in warren
county. We’re receiving the
coordinates from your phone-- I’m

OPERATOR (V.O.)
In the mean time can you describe
his wound sir?

ALLEN
It was a company trip. I work for
Euler Petroleum and it was just a
company trip. I have a tria

Guess it is the nature of the beast. For what it is worth, I thought the changes were poor - focusing on her paleness was (a) a bit weird - you'd call a doctor not a friend, and (b) was a poor attempt at an unnecessary foreshadowing.

Oh well, it is the price we pay turning our stuff over to others

Thanks, I'm not too keen on the final product as so much of my dialogue was changed. I can understand locations, vehicles, etc being changed for something more practical, but when little pieces of dialogue or setups are changed for really no reason, I don't understand.