Okay - I think one of my main problems with this one was that I'm soooooo not a football fan, that it was impossible to keep my attention on this.

Obviously, this one was written mostly as a goof - and should be taken that way (ie: lighthearted.)  That said, I felt it ran on too long for that - you could've really chopped the descriptions and action down a few pages. Although - admittedly - there is something inherently funny about two guys that put so much thought into using a time machine...just to win a dog goned game?!?

As for the Dr. Who ending.  Eh - didn't work for me.  I see what you were trying to do, but pulling in a completely separate character from another series?  For me, that didn't click.

Some funny stuff in here. I got a bit lost with the football stuff and you were losing me until the end.

That did make me laugh. Pretty inventive too. I think you could do without the very last line as the vast majority would already have it.

I could comment on the lack of apostrophes in "thats" and the like but to do so would seem childish and churlish. Well done.

I have a fairly good idea who wrote this one! It was a pretty funny, albeit silly story that made me laugh a few times. I especially like the idea of sports nuts going back in time to change the outcome of their beloved team's defeat.

The biggest issue for me was that it was a really breezy read up until it came to the plan, and then it got bogged down in too much exposition and almost ground to a halt. It seemed like you were really over explaining Dwight's plan in every detail to try and make it more believable when it doesn't really need to be. This is a comedy about time travel - if the reader is willing to suspend their disbelief for the time travel elements they don't need to know about Dwight's research into the rising ground level of the Superdome etc. Simplify the whole thing and just tell us what we need to know - what the plan is.

I thought the battle with the rival time travelling fans at the end was a neat twist, but the whole Doctor Who thing came a little out of nowhere and felt tacked on. Maybe if you set it up earlier in the story it could work - when Dwight is telling Joe about buying the time machine, he could say he bought it from some kooky British-sounding guy, or something to that effect.

Funny concept and I'm glad the boys decided to go back in time and alter the game instead of betting on the game and getting rich.
I like stoner comedies and this one is pretty funny at parts.
It gets very talky though in the middle but I'm sure you know.

Congrats for completing the OWC and glad you entered a comedy. These are such a treasure nowadays.

Niners, huh? Pretty obvious who wrote this. Joe & Dwight as the protags, maybe their parents were big niner fans too, named them after "the catch?" I wonder, did one of them don the famous cut off denim shorts? lol.

Good stuff all around, nicely written throughout. I feel you could cut back a few pages, eliminating some of the football action, possibly cutting back the opening scene with Joe & Dwight as well. I love football just as much as the next guy but I found the action on the field going on a bit long. Kind of took me out of the story a little because it felt like I was watching the actual football itself and not focusing on Joe & Dwight.

Regardless, you had fun with the story and it shows. Great job!

Congrats completing the OWC.

Ok. Maybe an homage of a fan to the game. Or somebody who tries to get over this special game

Oh,  you've  lost our money for drinks and food!
But here, air tickets and a device for time travelling.  A doctor sold it to me.

That kind of dialogue repeats on and on.

The active character explains the passive where to go and what to do, over and over.

Sure, the doctor is a grinning demon at the end. The evil character is behind everything- is the weakest end in a script. Even in a parody or whatever this should be.

Maybe that weak end was important for the script and well chosen to complete it as, pisser???

I don't know, but shouldn't be a pisser funny?

Traveling into a toilet and the shell, the interference, must have been looked funny. The dialogue with the wanking and all that wasn't...  Not my kind of humor or stuff which would make me laugh...

I like the story but other than demonstrating that the characters are devoted to game playing and that there is a time travel device (which we could find out in the taxi) the script could start at page 5.  
The pieces of this plot seem to fit just fine.
I like the mania of joy for the fans, and that it's momentary... so true.  
I hope it's Tom Baker as the doctor.  Definitely a film I would watch.

Mid page 3 on this one I was beginning to skim the dialogue a bit. You started with a fast paced opening then it slowed quite a bit to Joe still sitting at his computer while Dwight explains the deal. Though I do like the idea you're going for here, so on I go...

Page 4 was a bit of light heartened fun - but redundant none the less.

All in all I think this was a good idea, maybe a little bit too much exposition and dialogue heavy at times.

I actually liked the doctor. I thought he gave a nice spin on things and tied it in with the start.

Good job.

Renee

Thanks to all who read this!

When I got the idea, I knew my identity would be pretty much known by the subject matter but I didn't care, lol.

Never intended to have the Doctor Who ending originally - I cannot believe how many people didn't 'get' it and even some people didn't know who he was??!! - but some SS dudes were talking about him so I used him at the end instead of a vague guy called the 'Chaos Merchant'.

I was happy with it. It was bloody 19 pages long when I finished. Had to scrimp and edit like hell for 2 damn hours to get to the bare 15! Thought I was gonna have to cut the photo album stuff but luckily it stayed in.

Cheers all.