Quoted Text "I read through page 5 - there was nothing reserved or intelligent in Kathryn's actions, dialogue or surroundings. You can't make up for that by simply telling us that she is." You are right. There isn't. But in the rest of the story there is a clear character description. Before Jerel started to write this story I gave him background info and a character description of the twins who I and Robert Arthur Jansen created. The desciption is just not on page 5.

No sheet. of course I did not expect that your character development ended on page 5. You missed the point entirely, which was this - if at page 5 you want me to conclude that Kathryn is reserved and intelligent - there you better have something in the first five pages that indicates that other than just including an unfilmable statement in that regard. One does not have to read pages 6 - 120 to assess the appropriateness of something on page 5.

Quoted Text "IMO - the problem with using unfilmables for character descriptions or for that matter trying to capture the entirety of their make-up with a single facial expression - creates the real risk that you will not pay attention to the character traits in the action/dialogue in the balance of your script." [quote]I totally get that. We don't want lazy readers!!

Again - you're off the mark here. I'll try again - If there are things in the balance of your script that leads us to know your character's traits - then there is no need for the unfilmable in the first place. But that wasn't your original question. If it is important that we know she is intelligent by page 5 - then use action or dialogue that leads us to that conclusion - not telling us she is intelligent. If it is not important that we know it by page 5 and would come to learn she is intelligent in later pages - then the answer is the same.  You are eventually going to use action or dialogue in later pages to let us know she is intelligent - so what's the need for the unfilmable on page 5?????

As a last note - I would minimize the use of the term lazy readers - you'll end up with a lot less reads cause it will put folks off.

I don't think anyone else has commented on this but I feel like writer has overdone the CAPS in his description. As I understand it, caps should be used for sounds and for key images that are so important that the reader must not miss them by skimming over.

Is "STEAMS" that important? Is "SWIRLS"? I really don't think "The Punk Leader DIGS in his pocket" is warranted. The caps lose their emphasis if you use them this much.

Anyone else have any opinions on the use of caps?

Aha, the use of caps is discussed in the thread for Dark Sector here:

http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-action/m-1430573329/s-new/

Everyone else is covering the bases; I think the same about this story.

I might go so far as not capping the dead guy. Maybe 20 year old STRANGLED ATHLETE. Forget the red neck. He's dead. Unless he's in a later scene later, alive, keep him nameless. The newscast makes no difference.