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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Action/Adventure Scripts  ›  Fire Dancer Moderators: bert
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  Author    Fire Dancer  (currently 394 views)
Don
Posted: December 18th, 2017, 10:14am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Fire Dancer by Stephen Sorenson - Action, Adventure, Crime, War, Love story - A soldier returns home desiring to become a professional poker player, believing it's a safer vocation than army combat, so she thought, until winning a large poker pot from a serial killer.  Now she is back in a battle to save lives including her own.  115 pages

contest: Finalist in: * World Series of Screenwriting, * The Nevada International Film Festival, Semi-Finalist in Los Angeles CineFest - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit http://www.simplyscripts.com for what is new on the site.


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CrackedAces
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A brief Synopsis

An army Chemical, Biological, and Radiation platoon that has some female soldiers that work alongside the male soldiers is lead by an American Indian Platoon Leader whose tribal name is "Fire Dancer."  She leads a motivated platoon that happens upon a battle and rescues a dozen American POWs and one foreign POW that foreshadows the story ending plot twist.

Fire Dancer has been reading a poker book during her breaks and decided, after earning a Bronze Star and a Purple Heart, that a professional poker career would be safer than combat, so she thought.

Our heroine returns home and marries a former Army Captain who is also an American Indian that piloted Apache helicopters during the war.  Her poker career is successful until she wins a large pot of poker chips from a serial killer. After a friend and her husband are sent to the promise land by this killer, she must save herself, and others, by sending that psycho to hell.

There are some humorous, enchanting, and thrilling sub-themes throughout the main story.


Take a look at my Scripts "Fire Dancer" 115 pages   (Liken to a "Miss Rambo meets Rounders," with Spiders, Scorpions, and Snakes -- Oh My.)

"Springtime in Alaska" 8 pages   (Taken from Cold Dead Fingers)
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eldave1
Posted: December 23rd, 2017, 7:40pm Report to Moderator
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Hey. Cracked  - read the first five.

If you character is going to be medic, then I think it's best to write Medic, rather than medic, in the action lines.

Speaking of which - So you're adding some comic relief in your set up scene that seems to be written for the sake of writing it. I mean it is well written enough, but we don't see or hear from the Medic again - so I didn't get the point. The copter doesn't even land from what I could tell. Anyway, if it were me, I would just start with a brief flyover and get to the action on the ground as soon as possible.

This would give you more space to describe the battle which I think really could use some additional detail.

So, we have a platoon here peppered with women and they are predominately described as pretty, cute and the like. Struck me wrong. They've been on the battlefield. They're soldiers. Seems like you could do better than their appearance.  

The dialogue in the first scene didn't seem natural to me - it was almost like they were meeting each other for the first time. To my ear it didn't sound like the natural sound (dialogue) of battle.

Anyway - maybe it's just me - could be that others will love it.  Best of luck to you - it just didn't hold my interest enough to go on.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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CrackedAces
Posted: December 26th, 2017, 11:35am Report to Moderator
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eldave1, thanks for the eval. Sorry that the story Fire Dancer didn't hold your interest. After all, you only read 5 pages and it begins in a war. (I want to add that the story conclusion should bring enlightenment to American and Russian viewers.)  

Some highlights are:

The first 1 2/8 pages of inside the helicopter in flight is the TEASER. I did NOT indicate that as such because this is a spec script. A teaser is also a good place for SUPERS for the credits. Again, I chose NOT to indicate. The next 15 pages are mostly introductions and build-up stuff.  

The main character is NOT the nervous young MEDIC on the helicopter.  The main character is Shawna the Fire Dancer. (her Native American name is explained later in the story.) She is introduced on page 2. (The one that gave the order to fix bayonets, after sending the enemy to the Promised Land.)
On page 4 the helicopters approach the battlefield and again many pages later to pick up the dead and wounded soldiers.

The rescuing of the American POW's on page 4 is good for a beat sheet.

On top of page 5 we're back in the good old USA of five years before. Then returns later to the present battlefield where the second wave of combat gets very bloody.

I chose to write in cute, pretty, et al of the female soldiers as I found the great majority of the women in the armed forces, many who I have served along with for 20 years, have that attribute - maybe physical fitness contributes to their beauty.  Or maybe it's just me that appreciates that vision. Our female soldiers, like our men, do die in the army. The majority of those that do survive combat continue on with their lives with PTSD, although sadly, many do end it all in suicide. All of that is from my personal experience and knowledge.

Back to the fictional story: Fire Dancer got out of the army because she thought Poker playing is safer than combat. She winning all of the serial killer's money - she soon discovered wasn't a good deed.

During the MIDDLE range of the story, I again chose beautiful women in civilian occupations. One of whom is sent to the Promised Land by that serial killer and another is locked in a cabin to wait her turn for death, but later rescued by Fire Dancer.

Comic relief is again found in the skinny dipping scene of five women. One must read this part to appreciate how clean and respectful this scene is written.

Another comic part is when PTSD suffering Fire Dance visits her psychologist who has a gambling problem.  She explains to him how to win at poker and to win at casino craps.

The climax, of course, is the bloody battle between Fire Dancer and the serial killer.
There are more highlights and beat sheet stuff, but enough for now.

This 115-page "Fire Dancer" story is loaded with horrifying moments, suspense, love, comic reliefs, and laced with enchanting subthemes that I am sure many will enjoy.

If this script ever gets produced I will tell the producer to dedicate the film to Specialist SPC Lori Ann Piestewa. She was from a Hopi American Indian tribe from Tuba City, Arizona. She died in the battle near Nasiriyah in which her fellow soldiers SPC Shoshana Johnson and PFC Jessica Lynch were injured and capture by the Iraqis in 2003.

Even though you didn't exactly ask, I hope this clears any questions you may have had.
eldave1, I want to wish you a Happy New Year and may 2018 bring you greater successes.

Steve


Take a look at my Scripts "Fire Dancer" 115 pages   (Liken to a "Miss Rambo meets Rounders," with Spiders, Scorpions, and Snakes -- Oh My.)

"Springtime in Alaska" 8 pages   (Taken from Cold Dead Fingers)
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eldave1
Posted: December 26th, 2017, 9:45pm Report to Moderator
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Hey, Steve:


Quoted Text
eldave1, thanks for the eval. Sorry that the story Fire Dancer didn't hold your interest. After all, you only read 5 pages and it begins in a war.


Wasn't a matter of holding my interest. The five pages was all I had time for - just crammed right now. I play tournament poker 3 or 4 times a week, so the premise did have great interest for me.


Quoted Text
The first 1 2/8 pages of inside the helicopter in flight is the TEASER. I did NOT indicate that as such because this is a spec script. A teaser is also a good place for SUPERS for the credits. Again, I chose NOT to indicate. The next 15 pages are mostly introductions and build-up stuff.  

The main character is NOT the nervous young MEDIC on the helicopter.  The main character is Shawna the Fire Dancer. (her Native American name is explained later in the story.) She is introduced on page 2. (The one that gave the order to fix bayonets, after sending the enemy to the Promised Land.)


No, I got that Shawna is your Protag. My point on the Medic was why spend so much tine on her, a throwaway character  (in a comedic) situation rather than on the situation your protag is in. As an example, as the helicopter soars over the terrain, to my ear it would have been much more compelling (tension wise) if the pilots were on the radio and we were getting some details on what was happening on the approaching ground - i.e., so we knew the urgency of their mission.


Quoted Text
The rescuing of the American POW's on page 4 is good for a beat sheet.


I'm not a beat sheet guy. Many are. Just not me.


Quoted Text
I chose to write in cute, pretty, et al of the female soldiers as I found the great majority of the women in the armed forces, many who I have served along with for 20 years, have that attribute - maybe physical fitness contributes to their beauty.  Or maybe it's just me that appreciates that vision. Our female soldiers, like our men, do die in the army. The majority of those that do survive combat continue on with their lives with PTSD, although sadly, many do end it all in suicide. All of that is from my personal experience and knowledge.


Okay - your knowledge and your story. That being said, if I was a female I'd be a bit put off. They're soldiers in battle and 90% of your description deals with their attractiveness. I don't know, maybe it's just me. But as if you were describing sorority girls rather than battle hardened combatants. See what others think.


Quoted Text
Back to the fictional story: Fire Dancer got out of the army because she thought Poker playing is safer than combat. She winning all of the serial killer's money - she soon discovered wasn't a good deed.


A good premise.


Quoted Text
During the MIDDLE range of the story, I again chose beautiful women in civilian occupations. One of whom is sent to the Promised Land by that serial killer and another is locked in a cabin to wait her turn for death, but later rescued by Fire Dancer.


Why beautiful women? Did you only choose handsome men?


Quoted Text
If this script ever gets produced I will tell the producer to dedicate the film to Specialist SPC Lori Ann Piestewa. She was from a Hopi American Indian tribe from Tuba City, Arizona. She died in the battle near Nasiriyah in which her fellow soldiers SPC Shoshana Johnson and PFC Jessica Lynch were injured and capture by the Iraqis in 2003.


I wish you the best of luck.  Will try to get back to this someday - the calendar just doesn't permit it right now. Cheers.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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CrackedAces
Posted: December 26th, 2017, 10:28pm Report to Moderator
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eldave1, I too enjoy tournament poker. I mostly play at GVR or the Aria. Also, online tournaments at WSOP.com. Legal in NV. Anyway, these tournaments delay the finishing time for my writings.  Maybe, I see you at the final table someday.


Take a look at my Scripts "Fire Dancer" 115 pages   (Liken to a "Miss Rambo meets Rounders," with Spiders, Scorpions, and Snakes -- Oh My.)

"Springtime in Alaska" 8 pages   (Taken from Cold Dead Fingers)
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eldave1
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Quoted from CrackedAces
eldave1, I too enjoy tournament poker. I mostly play at GVR or the Aria. Also, online tournaments at WSOP.com. Legal in NV. Anyway, these tournaments delay the finishing time for my writings.  Maybe, I see you at the final table someday.


Cool - may all your Aces hold up


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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CrackedAces
Posted: January 8th, 2018, 12:23am Report to Moderator
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"Miss Rambo meets Rounders" I feel that I needed to explain that ROUNDERS was a poker story movie released in 1998 starring:      
Matt Damon
Edward Norton
John Turturro
Famke Janssen
Gretchen Mol
John Malkovich
Martin Landau


Take a look at my Scripts "Fire Dancer" 115 pages   (Liken to a "Miss Rambo meets Rounders," with Spiders, Scorpions, and Snakes -- Oh My.)

"Springtime in Alaska" 8 pages   (Taken from Cold Dead Fingers)
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Nomad
Posted: January 12th, 2018, 8:17pm Report to Moderator
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As I go:


  • Page 1.  The Army doesn't use the Huey anymore.
  • Page 1.  The description of the Medic looking out the door reads awkwardly:
    "Her view, through the open side door, at two other US Army UH1 helicopters flying along side."
    Rewrite:  Two Army Hueys fly along side.
  • Page 1.  The next line reads poorly too.
    "The terrain blurs pass as the helicopters fly very low and fast."
    Rewrite:  The terrain flashes by as the helicopters skim the treetops.
  • Page 1.  The Medic's dialogue is bad.  Nobody talks like this, "This is not so bad!"
    Rewrite:  
    -This ain't so bad!
    -Not so bad!
    -Ain't so bad!
    -This isn't so bad!
  • Page 1.  You say that the Medic, "...sees mountains ahead."  Then they, "...maneuver pass a high mesa."
    Are they mountains or a mesa?  Those are different things.
  • Page 1.  You use the word "pass" when you should use "past".
  • Page 1.  I thought they were in the mountains?  I haven't seen much "flat terrain" in the mountains.
  • Page 1.  Remove "Oh God" and "school" from the Medic's dialogue.
  • Page 1.  You use the word "rush" or one of its variants 27 times in your script.
  • Page 2.  Remove "AND BOMBED OUT" from your slugliine.  Just describe it in the action lines.
  • Page 2.  "U.S. Army soldiers fill the forward area with intense rapid
    weapons fire. All in the enemy patrol meets their demise."

    What does this mean?
    How do they "fill the forward area with intense rapid weapons fire."?  
    Are they shooting?  
    Are they placing rapid weapons in the forward area?
    Where did this enemy patrol come from?

    You need to paint the scene better if you want me to immerse myself in your story.

  • Page 2.  "Lieutenant Chenoa, fix bayonets?!"

    Why is a Sergent First Class questioning his Lieutenant?

    I know this is the Army and all and they're kind of nasty to begin with, but I don't think a SFC would question her LT like this.

  • Page 2.  "Sergeant, back home the Moapa Indian
    tribe calls her the 'Fire Dancer!'"

    Blatant exposition if ever there was.

    Who is Jack?  How does he know Shawna?  Seems kind of strange that two people from the same town would be in the same unit like this.

  • Page 2.  Jack sounds like a bumbling fool:  "Oh"?  A Sergeant doesn't say "Oh" in the middle of combat.  There's no way he'd say "please" either.  Why is an E4 taking the first watch?  Why not a private or a PFC?


There are too many things in the first two pages that I have an issue with so I'm going to stop here.

You may have a good premise, but the execution of that premise needs work.

Good luck.

Jordan


Read my scripts here:
SOCIAL EXPERIMENT 8pg-Drama
THE BRIDGE 8pg-Horror
SCHEISSE 6pg-Horror/Comedy
MADE FOR EACH OTHER-FILMED
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CrackedAces
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Jordan

Jordan, Thanks for the short eval. You must be astute on the army and its soldiers. I did 20 years in the army and retired SFC. I'll try to answer your questions and I have some to ask you within my responses.

YOU STATE: Page 1.  The Army doesn't use the Huey anymore.

MY REPLY: The UH1 Hueys are still in inventory. Albeit, a whole lot fewer than before. Most are used in training and in the Guard. But what the hey, any troop carrying helicopter will do. I'll leave the Hueys in the story. Besides they're easier to acquire from Uncle Sam.

YOU STATE: Page 1.  The description of the Medic looking out the door reads awkwardly:
"Her view, through the open side door, at two other US Army UH1 helicopters flying along side."
Rewrite:  Two Army Hueys fly along side.
Page 1.  The next line reads poorly too.
"The terrain blurs pass as the helicopters fly very low and fast."
Rewrite:  The terrain flashes by as the helicopters skim the treetops.

MY REPLY: I disagree on this one and besides where did the "treetops" come from? Also, "terrain flashes by" - darn they must be jet fast helicopters.

YOU STATE: Page 1.  The Medic's dialogue is bad.  Nobody talks like this, "This is not so bad!"
Rewrite:  
-This ain't so bad!
-Not so bad!
-Ain't so bad!
-This isn't so bad!

MY REPLY: Those will work as well.
YOU STATE: Page 1.  You say that the Medic, "...sees mountains ahead."  Then they, "...maneuver pass a high mesa."
Are they mountains or a mesa?  Those are different things.

MY REPLY: I'll step away from the story here. I just look out the window of my hilltop home. I see mountains, mesas, and a valley. The valley looks pretty darn flat to me. Now, if I was in a helicopter, wouldn't the terrain constantly change?

YOU STATE: Page 1.  You use the word "pass" when you should use "past".

MY REPLY: Thanks for catching that. I must examine the use of PASS, PASSED, & PAST.

YOU STATE: Page 1.  I thought they were in the mountains?  I haven't seen much "flat terrain" in the mountains.

MY REPLY: Answered above.

YOU STATE: Page 1.  Remove "Oh God" and "school" from the Medic's dialogue.

MY REPLY: Why?

YOU STATE: Page 1.  You use the word "rush" or one of its variants 27 times in your script.

MY REPLY: And, what is your point? Should I use 17 or can I use 57 of them? Where did I didn't go wrong here?

YOU STATE: Page 2.  Remove "AND BOMBED OUT" from your slugliine.(sic)  Just describe it in the action lines.

MY REPLY: Good suggestion!

YOU STATE: Page 2.  "U.S. Army soldiers fill the forward area with intense rapid weapons fire. All in the enemy patrol meets their demise."

What does this mean?
How do they "fill the forward area with intense rapid weapons fire."?  
Are they shooting?  
Are they placing rapid weapons in the forward area?
Where did this enemy patrol come from?

You need to paint the scene better if you want me to immerse myself in your story.

MY REPLY: I'm writing from army experience. I guess I should have been more descriptive for civilians. Rapid weapons fire is when nearly every soldier in the platoon or company fire (shoot their weapons) turning the enemy into hamburger. (killing them!) Where did the enemy come from? Well they should have stayed hidden. The story gets a lot bloodier several pages later.

YOU STATE: Page 2.  "Lieutenant Chenoa, fix bayonets?!"

Why is a Sergent(sic) First Class questioning his (her) Lieutenant?

I know this is the Army and all and they're kind of nasty to begin with, but I don't think a SFC would question her LT like this.

MY REPLY: There is nothing inappropriate of a Platoon Sergeant questioning the Platoon Leader, if handled correctly. In fact a Platoon Leader expects a Platoon Sergeant to keep 'em sharp.

YOU STATE: Page 2.  "Sergeant, back home the Moapa Indian
tribe calls her the 'Fire Dancer!'"

Blatant exposition if ever there was.

MY REPLY: True. I'm taking liberty here. But the story unfolds page after page.

YOU STATE: Who is Jack?  How does he know Shawna?  Seems kind of strange that two people from the same town would be in the same unit like this.

MY REPLY: How is that strange? Many soldiers come across their hometown friends, old school mates, et.al. Again, the story unfolds, page by page.

YOU STATE: Page 2.  Jack sounds like a bumbling fool:  "Oh"?  A Sergeant doesn't say "Oh" in the middle of combat.  There's no way he'd say "please" either.  

MY REPLY: How does that make Jack a bumbling fool? How do you know he would not say please? Oh besides, the story is during the calm after a battle. The next battle is many pages later. The enemy has been killed and they look like hamburger. (Dead with hundreds of bullet holes.)
Many leaders display politeness. In my story I am developing this character's characteristics.

YOU STATE: Why is an E4 taking the first watch?  Why not a private or a PFC?

MY REPLY: Why NOT anyone?

YOU STATE: There are too many things in the first two pages that I have an issue with so I'm going to stop here.

MY REPLY: You found all those "27 rushes" in two pages!?!

YOU STATE: You may have a good premise, but the execution of that premise needs work.

MY REPLY: The story unfolds page by page. After combat, is PTSD, poker, then Spiders, Scorpions, and Snakes! Oh my! Then a mean nasty serial killer and then a happy - happy ending. Bye.

Steve


Take a look at my Scripts "Fire Dancer" 115 pages   (Liken to a "Miss Rambo meets Rounders," with Spiders, Scorpions, and Snakes -- Oh My.)

"Springtime in Alaska" 8 pages   (Taken from Cold Dead Fingers)
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Nomad
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Steve,

Here's my reply to your notes on my notes:

YOU STATE: Page 1.  The Army doesn't use the Huey anymore.

MY REPLY: The UH1 Hueys are still in inventory. Albeit, a whole lot fewer than before. Most are used in training and in the Guard. But what the hey, any troop carrying helicopter will do. I'll leave the Hueys in the story. Besides they're easier to acquire from Uncle Sam.

http://www.wsmr.army.mil/fn/Pages/Last-UH-1-Huey,-a-42-year-military-veteran-retires.aspx

YOU STATE: Page 1.  The description of the Medic looking out the door reads awkwardly:
"Her view, through the open side door, at two other US Army UH1 helicopters flying along side."
Rewrite:  Two Army Hueys fly along side.
Page 1.  The next line reads poorly too.
"The terrain blurs pass as the helicopters fly very low and fast."
Rewrite:  The terrain flashes by as the helicopters skim the treetops.

MY REPLY: I disagree on this one and besides where did the "treetops" come from? Also, "terrain flashes by" - darn they must be jet fast helicopters.

All you gave for the description of the environment was "terrain".  Due to the lack of information, I filled in the blank with trees.  If that's not the terrain you envision, then write what actually is there.

YOU STATE: Page 1.  You say that the Medic, "...sees mountains ahead."  Then they, "...maneuver pass a high mesa."
Are they mountains or a mesa?  Those are different things.

MY REPLY: I'll step away from the story here. I just look out the window of my hilltop home. I see mountains, mesas, and a valley. The valley looks pretty darn flat to me. Now, if I was in a helicopter, wouldn't the terrain constantly change?

True.  There can be many different types of terrain in close proximity.  But the way your wrote it, we're in the mountains one second, then we on a mesa the next.  Again:  If that's not what you intended, write better descriptions.


YOU STATE: Page 1.  I thought they were in the mountains?  I haven't seen much "flat terrain" in the mountains.

MY REPLY: Answered above.

See above.

YOU STATE: Page 1.  Remove "Oh God" and "school" from the Medic's dialogue.

MY REPLY: Why?

The dialogue is bad.

YOU STATE: Page 1.  You use the word "rush" or one of its variants 27 times in your script.

MY REPLY: And, what is your point? Should I use 17 or can I use 57 of them? Where did I didn't go wrong here?

It shows a lack of an extensive vocabulary.  Imagine if you read a script when any time someone was doing something quickly, they were rushing:  The rushing river rushed under the road where the rushing cars rushed by in Russia.
See what I mean?


YOU STATE: Page 2.  "U.S. Army soldiers fill the forward area with intense rapid weapons fire. All in the enemy patrol meets their demise."

What does this mean?
How do they "fill the forward area with intense rapid weapons fire."?  
Are they shooting?  
Are they placing rapid weapons in the forward area?
Where did this enemy patrol come from?

You need to paint the scene better if you want me to immerse myself in your story.

MY REPLY: I'm writing from army experience. I guess I should have been more descriptive for civilians. Rapid weapons fire is when nearly every soldier in the platoon or company fire (shoot their weapons) turning the enemy into hamburger. (killing them!) Where did the enemy come from? Well they should have stayed hidden. The story gets a lot bloodier several pages later.

What was your MOS?  11B?  I think you mean to say Rapid fire weapons fire.  Suppressing fire would be a term to describe everyone firing.  Better yet just say a "Hail of bullets." or "A wall of lead."  There are many other terms that describe what you're trying to say.

You don't describe the enemy patrol until they're being shot.  I didn't even know there was a patrol there.  It's as if you start your scene with "The patrol dies."  What patrol?  Use this as an opportunity to build up some suspense where the patrol is moving across the terrain and then they get lit up.


YOU STATE: Page 2.  "Lieutenant Chenoa, fix bayonets?!"

Why is a Sergent(sic) First Class questioning his (her) Lieutenant?

I know this is the Army and all and they're kind of nasty to begin with, but I don't think a SFC would question her LT like this.

MY REPLY: There is nothing inappropriate of a Platoon Sergeant questioning the Platoon Leader, if handled correctly. In fact a Platoon Leader expects a Platoon Sergeant to keep 'em sharp.

I'll defer to your experience since you were a 20 year E7.  On another point, why are they fixing bayonets if all in the enemy patrol met their demise?

YOU STATE: Page 2.  "Sergeant, back home the Moapa Indian
tribe calls her the 'Fire Dancer!'"

Blatant exposition if ever there was.

MY REPLY: True. I'm taking liberty here. But the story unfolds page after page.

But I'm not going to turn to the next page if you use blatant exposition.

YOU STATE: Who is Jack?  How does he know Shawna?  Seems kind of strange that two people from the same town would be in the same unit like this.

MY REPLY: How is that strange? Many soldiers come across their hometown friends, old school mates, et.al. Again, the story unfolds, page by page.

I'm familiar with the buddy program among enlisted personnel.  Not enlisted and commissioned.

YOU STATE: Page 2.  Jack sounds like a bumbling fool:  "Oh"?  A Sergeant doesn't say "Oh" in the middle of combat.  There's no way he'd say "please" either.  

MY REPLY: How does that make Jack a bumbling fool? How do you know he would not say please? Oh besides, the story is during the calm after a battle. The next battle is many pages later. The enemy has been killed and they look like hamburger. (Dead with hundreds of bullet holes.)
Many leaders display politeness. In my story I am developing this character's characteristics.

They're fixing bayonets in case the enemy sneaks closer.  That doesn't sound like the battle is over.

YOU STATE: Why is an E4 taking the first watch?  Why not a private or a PFC?

MY REPLY: Why NOT anyone?

I guess that makes sense.  An E4 in the Army is equivalent to a PFC in the Marines.  Anyone lower than an E4 in the Army would probably not be skilled enough to stand watch.

YOU STATE: There are too many things in the first two pages that I have an issue with so I'm going to stop here.

MY REPLY: You found all those "27 rushes" in two pages!?!

I found a few "rushes" in the first two pages.  Enough for me to do a quick search of the script where I found 27.

Best of luck with this.

Jordan


Read my scripts here:
SOCIAL EXPERIMENT 8pg-Drama
THE BRIDGE 8pg-Horror
SCHEISSE 6pg-Horror/Comedy
MADE FOR EACH OTHER-FILMED
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CrackedAces
Posted: January 15th, 2018, 1:16pm Report to Moderator
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Jordon,
I admit a few errors as I did before.  Thanks for the input. However, I stand by my previous arguments.
Bye.
Steve


Take a look at my Scripts "Fire Dancer" 115 pages   (Liken to a "Miss Rambo meets Rounders," with Spiders, Scorpions, and Snakes -- Oh My.)

"Springtime in Alaska" 8 pages   (Taken from Cold Dead Fingers)
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