I think you need to rework this one extensively. Your script should be written in the present simples, ' bills runs towards the bus', your script is in the present continous, ' billy is running towards the bus'.
This is a concept that's been kicked to death - dumb hicks meet city slickers. Far too much dialouge in your script and the vast majority of it is expositional.
'The Feminine Touch' gag is straight out of Police Academy.
You need to read a few scripts and get a handle on formatting. Also your story needs to be made more visual and your characters made more unique and interesting. |