SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is July 10th, 2025, 8:23pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
The primary purpose of the SimplyScripts Discussion Board is the discussion of unproduced screenplays. If you are a producer or director lookng for your next project, the works here are available for option, purchase or production only if you receive permission from the author.

NOTE: these screenplays are NOT in the public domain and MAY NOT be used or reproduced for any purpose (including eductional purposes) without the expressed written permission of the author.

New to SimplyScripts? - Tell us about yourself! | How does this discussion board work? - FAQs! | Submit Your Script
The July 2025 One Week Challenge comes, soon.

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
Short Script of the Day | Featured Shorts Available for Production | Guidelines and Censorship | Produced Script Database | Oscar Winning Screenplays through the Ages | WGA Top 101 Screenplays

Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Drama Scripts  ›  Heavy Metal Labyrinth Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Heavy Metal Labyrinth  (currently 1493 views)
Don
Posted: January 8th, 2017, 6:51pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
17384
Posts Per Day
1.95
Heavy Metal Labyrinth by Jake Katalay - Drama, Dark Comedy - A SWAT officer named Victor Rourke is trapped in a hellish place called the Heavy Metal Labyrinth, with no idea where he is, and how to escape. He must depend on two other people trapped inside, and weapons to survive.  94 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
eldave1
Posted: January 9th, 2017, 3:18pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
Southern California
Posts
6973
Posts Per Day
1.75
This one has some issues right out of the shoot.


Quoted Text
INT. THE JACKAL FUNHOUSE - REYMUS’ HEAVY METAL LABYRINTH


Not a proper heading - no time (DAY, NIGHT) indicated.


Quoted Text
The Jackal Funhouse is crude looking. There’s spray painting
and wood furniture everywhere. The entire funhouse is made
from wood. It’s pretty old and croaky. It could fall apart
any minute.


Don't need to mention the Jackal House - it's already in your heading. You could simply open with Crude looking.


Quoted Text
There’s puzzles, teddy bears, and children toys laying
around. A man is buried in colorful alphabet blocks. He has
several tatts on his arms, and one on his neck. He looks
husky and hardened. He’s wearing short sleeve SWAT Riot
armor. There’s a trickle of blood drooling from his mouth.
His name is Victor ROURKE, late 30’s


Should be They're - not There's. Not needed in either case though.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

https://dlambertson.wixsite.com/scripts
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 2
Bold
Posted: January 9th, 2017, 8:30pm Report to Moderator
New


I'll knock you into Science!

Location
The Butthole of the World
Posts
19
Posts Per Day
0.01
Jake I am begging you:

Keep all your writing in 12pt, Courier font.  The crazy-font-sizes-like-Max-Landis is an irritating gimmick.  It makes your writing more difficult to read.  Unlearn that habit, I fear it's going to alienate more readers than it will win over.

And please reciprocate with feedback on this forum.  As you may remember, lack of reciprocation is why I shut down my old forum and sought an alternative (two big thumbs up for SimplyScripts!).


Bold on IMDB



Æternum "Reasons Unknown" (Pilot) • Thriller, Horror, Sci-Fi • 58 Pages

I will reciprocate feedback!
Logged
Private Message Reply: 2 - 2
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Drama Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on
Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006